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Contrary to what the Michael Jackson concert film implies, this will never be it.

We're used to mad happenings in Hollywood, which is just a hop, skip and a jump (or a half-hour in L.A. traffic) away from our door. We don't expect them downstairs in the lobby, though!

Yet the week was capped off with one of Ryan Seacrest's more frightening fans getting busted on suspicion of felony stalking, literally right under our noses.

And we thought we'd heard everything after Rosie O'Donnell said she almost hooked up with Angelina Jolie...

1. As we mentioned, a guy who copped last month to assaulting a Seacrest security escort and later went looking for Ryan at KIIS-FM's Burbank studio was apprehended in the E! lobby and will be booked on suspicion of felony stalking. And Seacrest wants him out for good—he has already secured a restraining order.

2. SoCal cops have been busy this week looking out for the rich and famous. Felony charges were filed against four more San Fernando Valley teens (and one 27-year-old), alleged members of a burglary ring that may have been pretty damn productive. While Nicholas Prugo, the guy accused of breaking into Lindsay Lohan and Audrina Patridge's homes, is now facing seven counts of residential burglary, he and his alleged cohorts may have stolen from Paris Hilton, Orlando Bloom, Rachel Bilson, Ashley Tisdale and Megan Fox, as well! We know the Valley can be boring...but jeez! Just go to Starbucks or something!

3. Rosie O'Donnell, probably reeling from what appears to be the crumbling of her marriage to Kelli Carpenter, told Howard Stern that she and Angelina Jolie had a connection and could've had something, if only their dinner plans had worked out. OK, sure, why not?

4. After repeatedly promising to do so, the possibly single-again Jon Gosselin might finally be in the process of manning up. He publicly apologized via E! News for his morally suspect, unflattering, embarrassing, immature, douchey, god-awful... Well, he didn't use all those adjectives, but he seemed pretty remorseful for all the nonsense he's been a part of these last few months. So now we know—getting accused of being in cahoots with Octomom will set anyone on the straight-and-narrow. But though Kate and her marketable 'do probably enjoyed the groveling (and the money must have helped), Jon may not have seen the error of his ways in time to save his troubled relationship with Hailey Glassman.

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5. Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner are killing us—in that warm-and-fuzzy good way—with the adorableness. If it's the real deal, it's a sweet pairing, and Team Jacob can always use more members. Speaking of which, shooting wrapped on The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, giving its cast time off to... why, promote New Moon, of course! And attend parties without each other, yet take planes together to and from mysterious places, like Vancouver...

6. Michael Jackson's This Is It opened to serious box office and seriously good reviews. We're sorry it took the King of Pop's untimely death to reacquaint the masses with the talent that put him on a pedestal in the first place, but at least he's getting his posthumous just deserts. We'll see what moviegoers go for this Halloween weekend. Kudos to ticket-buyers, by the way, for overwhelmingly choosing Paranormal Activity over Saw 18,000 last weekend.

7. Anna Nicole Smith's alleged enablers are all going to trial. After a few weeks of positively stomach-churning testimony from investigators, former employees and other involved parties, a judge decided there was plenty of evidence to give a jury the chance to decide whether Howard K. Stern and two doctors helped Smith over the edge, beyond which death awaited.

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8. Adam Lambert's first single, the title track from his debut album, For Your Entertainment, arrived Friday, after fans were treated to a preview of the relentlessly campy cover art. Some people understood that the almost-Idol was intentionally going for an over-the-top Boy George vibe that poked fun at the whole glam rock thing...but plenty of people didn't... Meanwhile, Nick Jonas is ditching the band of brothers for a short while and Britney Spears' "3" video premiered. Impressed?

9. E! Online has a new section called Vampire Party! It's dripping with Twilight, True Blood and Vampire Diaries scoop—and yes, it's as hot as it sounds.

10. Tricks 'n' treats: Chelsea Handler's on a huge cover of Playboy!...Ricky Gervais will host the Golden Globes...Hugh Jackman will not rehost the Oscars...Another former Letterman staffer says working there pretty much sucked...Colin Farrell's a papa again...Ivanka Trump tied the knot...Elisabeth Moss and Fred Armisen swapped vows...The Balloon Boy case is in the D.A.'s hands...Despite what his victim wants, Roman Polanski is still in jail...Catholics would prefer that Larry David say it rather than spray it...Paul Haggis is through with Scientology...Controversy finds David Spade and DirecTV...Top Model this week: with it or against it?...Miley Cyrus' alleged stalker is not in jail, but he still must stay away from the teen queen...Dennis Hopper is battling cancer...Morrissey's recovering from his collapse...Brad Pitt had a mysterious bike accident...Nobody bashes Sarah Palin's brood and gets away with it...Josh Duhamel denied cheating on Fergie with a stripper...Corey Feldman's getting divorced...Desmond settled his sexual-harassment suit...David Copperfield put his sex suit on hold...Andre Agassi plus crystal meth equals that late-'90s slump we wondered about...A double DWTS elimination claimed Melissa Joan Hart and Louie Vito...SYTYCD wasn't any kinder to Brandon and Ariana...New Chris Brown video...Natalie Portman's even more against meat-eating than we thought...RIP, Mermaid Girl.

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We don't just have pics of Amy Winehouse showing off her rebuilt rack. In fact, we've got copious galleries of most everything.