The Awful Truth

Fame Pictures

Dear Ted:
Why aren't more people upset with Madonna purchasing a man whore in front of our faces? I bet he's worth every penny.
—curiousgman

Dear Sugar Momma:
They're not mad because they're envious. M's the only 51-year-old woman who could nab a young hottie like Jesus without opening her wallet (tho she prolly does anyway).

Dear Ted:
It's obvious everything has gone downhill for Jennifer Aniston after her marriage to Brad Pitt. But I can't understand why the hell she would be desperate enough to date John "I Am So Friggin' Awesome" Mayer?! Also, her wanting to have kids with him is so creepy. What sane person would want their kid to look up to such a waste of skin?
—Cutecurls

Dear Father Figure:
At least Jen and John's hypothetical kids would have nice hair and an ear for music? That's more than most have wired into their DNA. Plus, Aunt Courteney Cox is just around the corner to keep her eye on Baby AniMayer.

Dear Ted:
Methinks it is time to let Morgan Mayhem out of the bag. Things are looking mighty grim; chick looks almost twenty years older. It would be the Christian thing to do. Low blow, I know but the whole thing is so sad in a Janis Joplin sprinkled with River Phoenix watched over by John Belushi kind of way. Tough love, man, tough love!
—pricanese

Dear Morgan Misery:
Didn't John Belushi hang at the Chateau Marmont, too? What the hell's in the vodka at that place?

Dear Ted:
Do you have favorites of celebrities you choose to write about?
—dnro

Dear Playing Favorites:
Uh, Robsten much? Team Awful also loves dishing on the True Blood crew, and anytime Hugh Jackman or Taylor Lautner take their shirts off is a good day for us. Lindsay used to be fun, but now it's just depressing.

Dear Ted:
Given the recent drought of Robsten updates, I thought I'd bring this to your attention. Convincing, no? Thanks!
—TKD

Dear Video Sleuth:
Honey, it is not we who need convincing about Robsten.

Dear Ted:
Is Matt Dallas the same "orientation" as Wentworth Miller? (You know what kind of orientation I'm talking about.)
—princesspinklover

Dear Come Out With It:
Why don't you just say it? You're as secretive as both those dudes.

Dear Ted:
What's up with Bronson Pinchot's negative comments about Tom Cruise and Denzel Washington? Why now?
—Ann

Dear Obvious:
Was anyone mentioning Bronson Pinchot five minutes before he told this story? No. That's why.

Dear Ted:
Just curious, has Vanessa Hudgens ever been the subject of a B.V.?
—mookie

Dear High School Gossip:
No, but her friends sure have!

Dear Ted:
I'm glad to see that more gossip sites are finally calling George Clooney out on his gentleman persona and his transparent girlfriend-picking checklist (they have to have a past that make them appear to deserve to be dumped when he gets bored). I guess he never heard of P.T. Barnum... Your TL&T's are getting funnier. I hope that means you're feeling better with things.
—Miss P

Dear Cloon Hound:
Clooney definitely picks better movies than women. Which is prolly the reason why his gals are just so forgettable—he's too busy concentrating on his career. Good for him, so many H'wood types ef up their jobs to focus on some new piece of tail in their lives. And thanks for the compliment, hon.

Dear Ted:
Please help settle an argument. If Vin Diesel walked into a room and saw two half-naked men, would he (a) run like hell or (b) smile and close the door?
—gorilla

Dear Naked Ambition:
Even though I've worn far-too-tight T-shirts at parties where I chatted with Vin—and he sure didn't seem to want to bolt—I still think you should ask him, don't you?

Dear Ted:
John Mayer is known for bringing "bathroom activities" into the bedroom. Does that mean Jennifer Aniston doesn't mind getting "dirty"?
—Trish and Connie

Dear Porcelain Habits:
She dated the yucky dude twice. Obviously she isn't as uptight as people think she is.