Ask the Answer B!tch

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Why did John Stamos bother to lie about being drunk on a talk show when it was so obvious he was? And now he's confessed—why lie if you're just going to get caught?
—Cotton, via the Answer B!tch inbox

Come now. The stars, they already give us so much—sharing their mama's Cuban chicken recipe with Us Weekly and telling us that they're wearing Galliano on the red carpet. Can't a star manipulate people in peace without you greedy fans always asking for more, more, more?

I mean it's not like stars lie about everything, just every aspect of their lives—including whoppers such as...

Madonna. Her publicist denied a Guy Ritchie wedding, then took off for said wedding the next day. After word got out that Madonna was adopting, her camp lied again. She wasn't adopting, her publicist insisted, right up until she was.

Julia Roberts, who denied she was even dating Lyle Lovett—right up until she married him barefoot.

Brad and Angelina denying a romance until...well, everyone knows that one.

And then there was Stamos, who denied he'd been drunk after behaving bizarrely on an Australian talk show in 2007. Stamos told The Advocate this week that of course he'd been soused and wanted to come clean about it two years ago, but blamed pressure from the "Warner Bros. publicity machine."

Of course, each of these lies is about something different.

When it comes to weddings, your more worshipful fan might suggest that celebrities must lie to "protect" their "privacy." But of course that's ridiculous; a celebrity wedding comes with so much security that the reception could be mistaken for a G7 summit hosted by El Al Airlines.

Some stars need to keep their weddings under wraps to protect exclusive agreements with magazines, but not every famous couple sells its nuptials like that.

As for lying about a relationship? Aside from being dragged in as a party to a divorce—which rarely happens in celebrity splits—that really doesn't make much sense either. A "no comment" could suffice—and would certainly communicate more respect to fans.

And simply showing up drunk somewhere? Celebrities do that all the time. Why not just insist to the "publicity machine" that you want to get the truth out of the way? Or just not say anything at all?

For one, celebrity shrinks tell me, many celebrities often have a sort of victim complex. Sure, they've sold out their private lives for millions of dollars in wealth and power, but many can't see that.

Instead they just see an insatiable pit of clawing masses who deserve no respect because they won't stop demanding access or information. Apparently, we fans give back too little—the ability to demand $10 million paychecks notwithstanding.

Another reason stars lie? Simple: They're manipulative.

"When they make the denial, that's statement No. 1," explains celebrity shrink Gilda Carle, author of How to Win When Your Mate Cheats. "Then someone catches them, and there's an 'oops'—and that's the second statement. It's a double-barreled PR opportunity."

In other words, why tell the truth when you can elevate your profile?

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Madonna & Guy live on in our From Start to Finish gallery.