And we thought all we'd have to fuss over this week was Knox and Vivienne Jolie-Pitt turning 1! (Sigh...we remember covering every second leading up to their birth as if it were yesterday...)
Instead, the nominees for this year's 61st Annual Primetime Emmy Awards were announced, all sorts of celebs dared to make news, and we launched our very own scientific study into what happens to fanggirls' heart rates and body temperature when asked to debate the eternal question—Edward vs. Jacob.
All this and more as we remember the week that was:
1. Everything Emmys! Starting now, E! Online is your one-stop shop for all the celeb chatter, fashion, backstage drama and red-carpet magic you can handle as we count down to TV's biggest night. And you know Watch With Kristin always has the best scoop on your favorite shows, some of which (yay Lost and 30 Rock!) got some good lovin' from the Academy this year.
2. Jessica Simpson is a single girl again after getting the brush from NFL star Tony Romo. This matchup was troubled from the beginning—rumors of splits since day one, and how much could Tony really enjoy hanging out nonstop with Joe Simpson?—but we still feel for the girl. But no, Jess, no! John Mayer is not the answer.
3. The only thing that's been able to compete with Michael Jackson's complicated life is his complicated death, which came before he could purchase a bunch of photographs of naked celebs and hang them in his Vegas house. We've confirmed that there were needle marks on the King of Pop's body when he died, authorities are seizing medical records left and right, and L.A.'s mayor says the city can handle that memorial bill, thanksverymuch. And this stuff isn't going away—the final autopsy report isn't coming for at least two weeks and the custody hearing's been pushed to August. But let's focus on Jackson's music and other good stuff, rather than that nasty Pepsi-fire video, OK?
4. So Jon Gosselin's thinking about marrying this woman? Yeah, dude, greatest idea ever! Go on, get engaged. Better yet, have another eight kids!
5. So far, Robert Pattinson has totally dominated Taylor Lautner in our battle of the Twilight suitors. And we know Jacob's battle for Bella's heart is futile. But man, there's got to be something the secondary stud has going for him that tops his magnificently coiffed, 110-year-old counterpart. Even Timberlake is on Team Pattz! And now he's got this Eclipse guy to compare hair 'n' stuff with...
6. Madonna is feeling terrible following the death of two workers during construction of her Sticky and Sweet tour megastage in Marseilles. Our thoughts and prayers are with the victims' families.
7. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince opened hella big, putting to rest any concerns that the studio had Avada Kedavra'd itself by delaying the sixquel's release. Or that fans had abandoned Hogwarts for Forks, Wash. Thank goodness there's Jimmy Fallon to keep the imagined vampire-wizard feud alive.
8. You voted, now WWK's got your Tater Top results right here!
9. News flash: We miss Walter Cronkite, Mischa Barton's in the hospital, Lada Gaga got dumped, Jim Caviezel got dinged, Orlando Bloom was burgled, Amy Winehouse is pretty much divorced, Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri may have broken up, Molly Ringwald had twins, Fred Durst got married, Channing Tatum married costar Jenna Dewan, Robert Redford remarried, Ivank Trump is engaged, so is Leelee Sobieski, Joey McIntyre's wife is pregnant, Mira Sorvino's a mom again, Kim Cattrall is single, Ryan Seacrest is rich, Sara Evans put this puppy to bed, and MTV actually invited Russell Brand to host the VMAs again. We wonder whose virginity he'll poke fun at this year...
10. Pictures, pictures, who's got the pictures...Oh, right, we do! Tons of 'em, including a retrospective of guys and their ties.