Ask the Answer B!tch

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Why won't Congress honor Michael Jackson with that resolution? He's the greatest of all time!
—MJGRT

Don't forget the national day of mourning and the postage stamp, right, Al Sharpton?

You've obviously wrapped your righteous outrage around this news: Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee wants a congressional resolution securing permanent praise of M.J.—and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has pronounced no need for one.

At first, a 1,500-word resolution highlighting, among other things, Jackson's provision of 200 turkey dinners to poor Los Angeles families, may seem a wee tad overweening. Especially given that for every M.J. fan there's a guy like Rep. Peter King, who has called the late star a "pervert."

Then again, Congress has honored other figures sporting their share of major flaws, and nobody is saying much about those anymore...

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Do nondisclosure agreements signed by employees of celebs remain in effect after death?
—Mrs. Charlita, via Twitter

Well, at least one nondisclosure agreement—signed by author Ian Halperin before a meeting with Michael Jackson—seems to be null and void. Material from that meeting is reportedly in Halperin's new book about the singer. But, lawyers tell me, if you're wondering whether Jackson's jewel-encrusted glove still has a hold over anyone else, the answer is probably yes.

Unless a star's lawyer is having an off day, most employees and hangers-on can expect a permanent, lifelong muzzling as soon as they step into a star's bubble of fabulousness.

And Michael Jackson loved nondisclosure agreements. Loved them so much that...

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Would any other celebrity death cause as big a ruckus as this two-week public mourning of Michael Jackson?
—Outstanding

Interesting question to mull. At first you might think of a Bruce Springsteen or Madonna or whatnot. Or even a Barack Obama, who certainly is credited with, you know, making hope spring anew, and all this.

But then again, maybe not. Lots of people are record-ripping hitmakers or worldwide hope generators, but I doubt we'd see the same collective hair tearing over Mariah Carey or Nelson Mandela.

Why? Let's face it. One of the reasons people are dissolving into such sanctimonious hysterics over M.J.'s death is...

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How much is the Michael Jackson memorial event going to cost people in taxes?
—Michaela, Sylmar

Most of the obedient serfs close to the memorial aren't saying how much it will cost citizens—and that includes public safety folks who, I could have sworn, work for us.

However, a city official tells me we're looking at this costing Los Angeles $3.5 million. And rising. For a city that is operating on a deep deficit.

Still, to dedicated fans, that cost may sound reasonable; as Al Sharpton is so keen on reminding us, we're dealing with an icon who apparently needs his own postage stamp and national holiday.

However, you may be chapped to learn exactly how much the Jackson family and promoter AEG will be benefiting from this outlay of public funds...

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INFdaily.com

Wasn't there a story years ago about M.J. wanting to freeze himself after death? Is there a possibility of that happening?
—T. Ellsworth, via Facebook

A family friend—a title that seems to apply to everyone—told the press in 2005 that Michael Jackson did explore cryogenic preservation during his child-molestation trial. Michael Luckman claimed that Jackson was so afraid of dying in prison, he planned to have his body frozen so that it could be brought back at a later date.

A Jackson family attorney didn't comment at the time. As for whether that might happen now, the family hasn't indicated any penchant for freezing the pop icon.

This by far isn't the only outstanding question about Jackson. Here are some more, plus—hey, bonus!—some answers.

Some loser joked about M.J.'s nose falling off on stage when he was awake; is it true?
—305_milli_x0x0, via Twitter

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Weren't the Jackson family Jehovah's Witnesses? How will that affect the funeral?
—Bet

Other fans are asking me similar questions, but instead wondering whether Michael Jackson's funeral may be Muslim. See, in 2007, his brother Jermaine Jackson told the media that Michael had shown interest in the religion, and there was brief speculation that Jackson converted from Jehovah's Witness to Islam.

Now, we know this: (a) There will be no memorial service at Neverland, (b) there might be some kind of Jackson-related event on Tuesday at the Staples Center, (c) his body is waiting at Forest Lawn cemetery in Los Angeles, and (d) there are signs of a private family service on Sunday, possibly the funeral.

However, of the two religions mentioned above, if the funeral is religious at all, it will probably swing toward...

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Now that M.J. is dead, who has the rights to the Beatles songs—and will we be able to buy them on iTunes?
—Casey

The publishing rights to most of the Beatles' biggest hits are owned by one entity, a joint venture between the late Michael Jackson and the music arm of Sony Corp. It's called Sony/ATV, and it also owns the rights to songs written by Bob Dylan, Neil Diamond, Taylor Swift and, oh yes, the Jonas Brothers.

But Sony/ATV does not handle the recordings of Beatles songs. Two other companies do that, so whether you'll ever download "Come Together" off of iTunes has nothing to do with M.J.'s death. I'll have more info on that for you later in this story.

As for what happens to Jackson's portion of that legendary publishing catalog, welcome to the big, hot mess that is Jacko's estate...

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Jim Ruyman/Reuters

I'm reading all of these awful stories about Michael Jackson in the press. How come they are so mean? He lived the way he wanted to live, and who are we to judge him?
—Anna

OK, here's a question for you: Why is Michael Jackson God all of a sudden? Between swooning (even suicidal) fans and some nearly hysterical celebrities, it's become a near crime to even mention some of the darker facts surrounding Jackson's life:

His trial and acquittal, his debts, his propensity for sleeping in the same bed with minors to whom he was unrelated. Speaking about these things isn't "judging," and it isn't the product of "haters," as the sanctimonious white knights of the Internets have put it. It's a historical record—neither "mean" nor nice—of a public figure.

You wouldn't know that from the way people are behaving, of course—Transformers actor Tyrese Gibson has even ordered fellow performers to cease to speak publicly unless it's to praise Michael Jackson.

Why is the world losing its collective ability for balanced thinking?

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Is it true that Michael Jackson wasn't the dad of some of his kids? If they aren't related to him at all, how can Michael's mom get custody of them?
—Capon

It's been assumed for years that Prince Michael and Paris are not biologically related to the late star—reports have been floating around since at least 2004, when newspapers worldwide picked up on a tabloid report citing court papers filed by Jackson's ex-wife Debbie Rowe.

The new rumor surfacing, of course, is that the mystery dad now allegedly has a name, face and profession. Us Weekly magazine is claiming he is Arnold Klein, the dermatologist who treated Jackson's reported skin disorder.

If these reports are true, what might that eventually mean when it comes to custody of Prince and Paris? Well...

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Element/Fame Pictures

Do celebrities really get a say in who plays them in the biopic? Did Joan Jett really "pick" Kristin Stewart?
—AntidoteProject, via Twitter

Most of the time—assuming that the subjects are still alive—they get no binding say in who plays them. Then again, most producers aren't stupid, at least in this area. They'll often seek out a "blessing" from the subject, along with a bunch of meetings between the actor and the subject that can later be used for cutesy talking points.

Producers hate to give up creative control of a project, but they really, really don't want to piss off the subject of a biopic. Otherwise the icon might take to the Internets and crack off about how non-iconic that rotten young punk of an actor was.

Not that Joan Jett seems to have a problem with Kristen Stewart wearing her hair and leather in The Runaways. In fact...

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Reuters/Fabrizio Bensch

Who will look after Michael Jackson's kids now that he's passed away? Will it be Debbie Rowe? We don't even know who Blanket's mother is.
—Lalagrrl84, via Twitter

As of right now, Jackson family matriarch Katherine is caring for Prince Michael, 12, Paris, 11, and Prince Michael II, also known as "Blanket," age 7. To be clear, Debbie Rowe is the mother of the two older children, but the name of Blanket's mom has never been released.

Family attorney Brian Oxman has indicated the arrangement with Katherine may be made permanent: "Probably Mrs. Jackson will take care of them, she loves them dearly," Oxman told Radar. But if Rowe decides to make a bid for at least the two children she carried, she has quite a case, too...

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I watched Ed depart from The Bachelorette, and it got me thinking: What do reality contestants do about work? If I told my boss I needed 12 weeks off to shoot a secret reality show, it wouldn't go over well.
—Katie P., via the Answer B!tch inbox

As sad as it sounds, some people consider appearing on the teevee a once-in-a-lifetime dream, an opportunity not to be missed, no matter what the cost. And that includes the ability to pay rent. Some reality-show contestants have said they took unpaid leave or vacation time to appear on a reality show.

Contestants who can't get a break from their bosses have been known to simply quit.

Sometimes the fallout extends to the bosses of the people who compete. Take the case of the boss who got fired for letting an employee appear on The Bachelor:

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