She's here to help

How does Brit get into court so fast?

Thu., Oct. 25, 2007 3:32 PM PDT by Leslie Gornstein

How is it that Britney Spears can go to court every other week regarding custody issues? My sister-in-law has to wait four months for court dates—and then they get postponed. Is it all about fame and money?
—Amy, St. Louis, Missouri

The B!tch Replies: Yeah. Yeah, it is.

But also, your sister-in-law doesn't have, like, emergencies, y'all.

Britney has tannin' to do and paparazzi feet to run over. She don't even have time to go pick up her own dog, 'cause, like, how can she go on and git London the Doggy and shop at Neiman at the same time? Gahd.

Most of the recent hearings over Jayden and Sean have been what the courts call ex parte, which is lawyerish for emergency. A family attorney can simply head into the Los Angeles County Superior Court in the morning and file to have a hearing that very day—that is, if serious doings are conspiring. I mean tales of drugs, head-shaving, irresponsible driving, other drugs or yet more irresponsible driving. Allegations of child endangerment, in other words.

And, of course, by now we know that K-Fed be mad concerned for them kids, yo.

"Any lawyer can come in and say there is an issue that has to be heard right away," a Superior Court spokeswoman tells this B!tch. "It's not an unusual practice."

K-Fed filed for an ex parte hearing Oct. 1 to gain custody of the two boys. Britney's people filed one on Oct. 11 in an attempt to win overnight visitations. K-Fed filed yet another emergency motion on Oct. 18 to get visitations rescinded. And just this weekend, Britney was seen tooling around town with her kids again, a development that could have involved yet another ex parte filing.

K-Fed's emergency filings seem reasonable, given that Britney is probably raising her boys on Capri Sun and whatever vitamin D they get when she runs over paparazzi feet with the top down. But what dire allegations might Britney have had up her sleeve on Oct. 11, other than K-Fed not knowin' how to put chicken nuggets in the microwave right?

In that case, you may very well be looking at special star treatment, lawyers tell me.

"The courts don't want to seem lackadaisical about the safety of children, so this gets them good press," suggests Joshua Forman, partner at the New York law firm Chemtob Moss Forman & Talbert. "This is a case where they can say, ‘Look, we're doing right for these kids.'

"So, do I think she's getting a little extra time and coddling? Probably."

Britney's next scheduled court date is Oct. 26. And that one, the courts tell me, has been on the docket for weeks.