Ask the Answer B!tch

I was enjoying a recent show on the Vine when I noticed some bling on your left hand. Are you engaged? Also, how do celebs pull off  "surprise" weddings? Don't they have to file for a marriage license? Can't gossip seekers monitor these public records? And how do they keep all the florists, musicians, bartenders and other lackeys quiet?
—Lynn, Kokomo, Indiana

The B!tch Replies: I could paraphrase Michael Stipe and say the bling was a "gift from a friend," or like Jennifer Aniston, I could claim my ring was a "joke"...but I won't. The truth is that people like to buy me expensive things, and my upcoming trip to Italy is really just a vacation—not a honeymoon or anything like that.

Now...

Celebrities have been convinced by their publicists that if any little wedding detail gets leaked to the press—even days after the fact—their nuptials lose all specialness. A stranger merely knowing the color of a bride's flowers can spoil everything. That priceless moment becomes more worthless than one of those $48 Daddy's Little Gal T-shirts designed by Justin Timberlake.

Ergo, says veteran personal publicist Howard Bragman, anyone associated with a celebrity wedding usually must sign a thick nondisclosure agreement.

"These agreements require huge financial payouts if the vendor leaks information to the press," says Bragman, founder emeritus of Bragman Nyman Cafarelli, which represents everyone from Jessica Alba and Cameron Diaz to Howie Mandel and Rebecca Romijn. (Bragman now has another firm, called 15 Minutes.)

Those payouts, he points out, can add up to thousands of dollars. Christina Aguilera, for example, made her invitees sign three-page confidentiality clauses. According to the British press, banned topics included the cake, food, rings, speeches, location, other attendees and the exact nature of the entertainment. The Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston wedding required similar nondisclosure promises.

Another tactic in keeping a wedding secret: paying vendors not only to shut up but to lie blatantly. In the days before Christy Turlington's 2003 wedding to Ed Burns, a woman at the reception venue, the Asian Art Museum of San Francisco, told anyone who would listen no private events of any kind would take place that weekend and, for the most part, she didn't even do weddings.

As for the true "surprise" wedding, it's actually not that easy to pull off. Just ask Julia Roberts.

She chose to wed at her desert compound in Taos, inviting guests to "celebrate Independence Day" with them on their "green grass." Thing is, according to some reports, certain guests said they couldn't make it, until the couple fessed up that this was a wedding in disguise. By that point, a string of paparazzi and reporters had lined up across the street from Julia's place, baking in the 90-degree heat and dodging jets of venom spit by leathery neighbors.

The marriage license? In Roberts' case, a county clerk gladly came to the actress' $5 million compound, close to the last minute, to ensure maximum secrecy. Here in Los Angeles, Bragman tells this B!tch, the public servants are equally accommodating.

"The celebrity's attorneys usually have relationships with those types of people, and they'll make a phone call and have someone make a house call," he says.

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