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Why are so many "Oscar movies" so boring?

Sat., Jan. 7, 2006 12:00 AM PST by Leslie Gornstein

Why are so many critically acclaimed and Oscar nominated movies so boring? And why don't they nominate comedies instead of these depressing movies?

By: Rayda, Incline Village, Nevada

A.B. Replies: Well, according to the official Oscars Website, statuettes are reserved for "the best achievements of the year, in the opinion of those who themselves reside at the top of their craft."

People who live at such elevated heights in the artistic pantheon aren't generally known for their appreciation of Steve Carell's man o' lantern or Vince Vaughn's talent for creative leering. Indeed, academy voters live under a great burden: the ever-present leaden thumb of their organization's utter self-importance.

Yes, by now we all know how Carell's skin suffered so terribly for his art. (The waxing scene in The 40-Year-Old Virgin was real, after all.) But the Academy must remain awe-inspiring at all times. If it were to acknowledge comedies or, heaven forbid, science-fiction, what next? Charlize walking the red carpet in flats? That rock 'n' roll music? People might actually mistake Academy members for mortals and try addressing them directly.

Just in case the Academy comes after me with its man-eating PR team, I've got backup on this one. This B!tch tracked down several film historians, including Joseph McBride, a cinema professor at San Francisco State University.

"Orson Welles once observed that people in Hollywood don't make films they want to see or films they think the audience wants to see," McBride tells this B!tch. "They make films they think will impress each other."

See? Real live intellectuals agree.

Another point to be made here: Academy voters tend to be swayed not by ticket sales but by studio marketing campaigns and the rarified air blown out of the various orifices of film critics. The florid-cheeked, freckle-faced peoples of the Midwest shall have their Kids Choice Awards; as for the Academy, it'll stick with the opinions of men who enjoy debating the "craft" on public radio.

The comedies that do aim for prestigious awards usually have to look to the Golden Globes. Even then, the laffers must douse themselves in plenty of blackness and midlife angst and then prepare to be categorized as dramas. Bonus points if the lead is an alcoholic or Jack Nicholson.

"There are indeed many comedies that offer insightful perspectives on life, but critics, and even audiences, usually do not appreciate that insight until years later," says Tim Shary, director of screen studies at Clark University in Massachusetts. "To use About Schmidt as an example, remember Jack Nicholson's famous quip when he won the Golden Globe as Best Actor in a Drama: 'I thought we made a comedy.' "

Now that's funny. Okay, kind of.