Ask the Answer B!tch

Why doesn't anyone say anything about the age difference between Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia?
—Claudia, Brooklyn, N.Y.

Well, heck, I will. Hayden is 18. Milo is 30. That was easy. And satisfying! Let's bang out a few more in a brand-new batch of Burning Q's right now.

Was Miley Cyrus in a plane crash this past few weeks? My BFF's mom's boyfriend said she was in a plane crash and they don't know if she's OK. Please, I'm really scared. Please was she?
—Mariah, Greenville, S.C.

You may be mistaking this chestnut with that recent attempt by a teenage boy to hijack a plane and, possibly, according to some sketchy reports, crash it into a Cyrus concert in Louisiana. Or just crash a plane and die. Either way, for the record, Miley remains crash-free and as lucrative as ever.

Hollywood has been turning out a bunch of movies on the Iraq War and terrorism lately, but they've all been huge bombs at the box office. I know most celebrities are Democrats and against the war, but I thought making money off a movie was more important that making a political statement.
—Melody, Olympia, Wash.

Statement movies like these are like a big, collective farm team for Hollywood. Casting directors, producers, studios—they all watch them, scanning for cheap talent. That sad little low-budget indie about Afghani girls surviving on nothing but gunpowder residue and their own sheer pluck? Hey, the next Keira Knightley might be huddling under that burka.

And remember: Pretentious prestige films are what get you the Oscar, not the latest Shrek flick. And Oscars, in turn, almost always get an actor or director more money on the next gig. See? There's a method to that there lefty madness.

You're a jackass. How long are you gonna live?
—Mona, Elgin, Ill.

Didn't like my Britney answer last week, eh? According to the online Deathclock, this jackass will die on July 13, 2051, at the fabulously decrepit age of 79. Happy?

Got a question about how Hollywood works? ASK ME already!