Ask the Answer B!tch

Kevin Winter/American Idol 2009/Getty Images for FOX

How are we really supposed to know that American Idol wasn't rigged? Are we just supposed to trust Fox and its cronies?
—Jimmy, via the Answer B!tch inbox

You mean did a bunch of overheated AT&T workers in Arkansas manage to jerry-rig a Skynet-size telephone voting system, toppling known favorite Adam Lambert in favor of—what's his name—all while a cabal of Fox flacks and producers cackled and rubbed their hands together?

Probably not. But then again, should you trust any of these American Idol clowns? Also, probably not. Lemme put this in a way E! Online readers can understand...

Let's say someone approaches you and tells you he's Robert Pattinson's lost cousin from the mysterious planet SparkleSun. He says he has friends from SparkleSun who can verify these claims, but you aren't allowed to meet them, or talk to them, or travel to Sparklesun, or ask any questions at all.

Instead you're told you just need to have a little more faith, a little more love in your heart.

That's the way it is with everyone involved in Idol.

Take the Fox network: It won't say a word about the tallying process, other than to occasionally say its partners have ways of eliminating power dialers and hackers. Producers at 19 Entertainment don't return calls at all.

And that "third party" company that tallies the voting results? It's real, sure. It's called Telescope Inc., and it has a fine track record of working with participatory contest shows, including America's Got Talent and Rock Star: Supernova. But folks there refuse to explain even the basics of how they verify their numbers. Not without a go-ahead from Fox, which, as we now know, won't elucidate beyond the canned statement it put out the other day.

At first this may seen understandable; no show is truly successful without a bit of mystery, right? Wrong. Take the Oscars, which are every bit as secretive. The Academy has no trouble directing reporters over to PricewaterhouseCoopers, the company that independently verifies its yearly Oscar votes.

One Pricewaterhouse guy even sat on the phone with me for more than a half-hour, patiently explaining each and every step.

But what about regulations, you cry! What about the FCC? Wouldn't they nail Fox under game-show regulations if it tried to hornswoggle us? Isn't that a guarantee of the show's honesty?

Not necessarily. Sources familiar with the FCC have speculated that the regulating body sees Idol not as a game show—with all the regulations that implies—but rather entertainment...in the same category as wrestling.

(The FCC itself never discusses specific shows unless it has a ruling to go with it.)

So. Do I personally think Idol is rigged? Probably not. There are plenty of flag-waving Americans who would've taken one look at Adam Lambert and thought he was hinky enough to organize a church social just to garner votes for the other guy. Even the Arkansas AT&T flap is really just a tempest in a teacup when compared to the massive numbers of votes involved in this show.

All that said—much more importantly—do I believe whatever these Idol clowns say? Please. Would I be your Answer B!tch if I did?
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My Twitter is real @answerbitch