Ask the Answer B!tch

Fame Pictures

Why did John Stamos bother to lie about being drunk on a talk show when it was so obvious he was? And now he's confessed—why lie if you're just going to get caught?
—Cotton, via the Answer B!tch inbox

Come now. The stars, they already give us so much—sharing their mama's Cuban chicken recipe with Us Weekly and telling us that they're wearing Galliano on the red carpet. Can't a star manipulate people in peace without you greedy fans always asking for more, more, more?

I mean it's not like stars lie about everything, just every aspect of their lives—including whoppers such as...

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UNHCR/ S. Malkawi

Yet another star, Mia Farrow, has spoken out for poor people. Does that translate into dollars or just "awareness"?
—Haro, Wisconsin

I love awareness. Such a fine cause, that. Between Angelina Jolie and the refugees (sounds like a Tom Petty cover band, don't it?), Brad Pitt and his work in New Orleans, Mia Farrow and the kids from Gaza, and Orlando Bloom, who recently signed on to help out UNICEF...I just feel so much more aware!

Like, every single second!

But are the stars achieving anything else for the needy? Like, say, money? Depends on one thing...

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Flynet

I read that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are supposed to be on the rocks. But the tabloids say that about every couple. How can I tell what's real?
—Jenni, via the Answer B!tch inbox

For this answer I have turned to my bitter Twitter archnemesis Ted Casablanca, who wages a daily siege against me and my innocent B!tchlettes in poisonous stealth bombs of 140 characters or less. He has great secrets on how to tell whether celebrities are lying about their breakup status.

Curious about Jessica and Justin, Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy, all of whom have had their couplehood questioned of late?

Here's all you need to know...

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Flynetonline.com

Why is little Shiloh losing her teeth when she's only 3? I can see why Pax is, but not Shiloh.
—MamaMe, via the Answer B!tch inbox

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have not—shocker!—issued a press release answering questions raised by photos of their daughter Shiloh Nouvel's gappy smile this week. But according to pediatricians, the front tooth loss experienced by 5-year-old Pax is within the scope of normal, but 3-year-olds? Not so much, I'm told.

It is explainable, just not common. So what's going on inside the Jolie-Pitt household? Read on, and decide for yourself...

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BAUER-GRIFFIN.COM

How does Forbes define power for their rankings? How is Angie at the top?
—Glimmrmoon, via Twitter

Unlike some mags, who throw together "hot" lists just to lure stars into parties or interviews, Forbes crunches real numbers. In the case of the Forbes Celebrity 100, the editors used two factors: earned income and recognizability (media mentions and magazine covers).

Recognizability can, in turn, indicate future income and influence. The Oprah makes many more dollars than Angelina Jolie, and she lords over Chicago from a sky-high pied-à-terre. But between her tabloid adventures, worldwide charities and mega-million-dollar movie deals, Jolie reigns over the entire planet. Hence her No. 1 spot.

And as for you hormone-jacked Twihards who keep asking why Robert Pattinson didn't make the Forbes list, there's your answer...

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FlynetPictures.com

How many kids can celebrities adopt before someone says, "OK, I think you have enough now?"
—Stephanie, via Facebook

You speak as if there's some bar out there that mixes kids, garnishes them with cherries, serves 'em straight up and then cuts you off when you've had a few too many. Interestingly, some countries do indeed sort of work like that—sort of.

In fact, if Brangelina were to return to the origin country of at least one of their adopted kids (instead of Armenia or India, as is being recklessly gossiped about), they may have trouble adopting another...

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Star Magazine

How can mags get away with proclaiming Angie and Brad preggers and in love one week, breaking up the next, ready to adopt the week after? Are they really that volatile? Do mags just make s--t up?
—Carly, via Facebook

We're talking about a pair of bazillionaire mega-movie stars. Why wouldn't Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt be at least partially as volatile as the headlines claim? Sure, mags are responsible for their own drama-queen headlines. But in general, when it comes to this couple, I am told that the crazy Brangie reports are at least believed to be true by the people who gather and write them.

Still, let's dig a little deeper and take a look at a few of the rumors you mention, starting with the constant whisperings of pregnancy...

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Jeff Vespa/Getty Images, Eric Ryan/Getty Images

I saw Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt on the same red carpet as Paris Hilton and what's-his-name at the Cannes festival. Do actors who make a living actually working get upset when media whores show up on their red carpet? I would.
—AbsoluteEJJ, via the Answer B!tch inbox

We're talking about France, dear. Cannes, if you haven't heard, is a lawless and cruel wasteland when it comes to observations of an American star's rank. At that film fest, people who teeter on the edges of America's C-list are mobbed as frenetically as Will Smith or Johnny Depp—or Brangelina.

In short: Cannes ain't America. And the rules of common decency—and common sense—have been tossed out of la fenêtre.

"Here, people may think Paris Hilton is a crackhead, but in Europe and the rest of the world, she's a megastar," veteran publicist Eileen Colavita explains. "Paris is like the Beatles over there."

Yes. Really. Now let's talk about American red carpets. At least one erstwhile A-lister has been known to get very grabby about her time on the red carpet...

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BAUER-GRIFFIN.COM

Brangelina's looking to squash a bodyguard's tell-all, but with Hollywood confidentiality contracts, what makes former employees think they can get away with spilling dirt?
—SSR

Greed? Naïveté? Something in between? Naïvetreed? For a split second, elbow-throwin' bodyguard Mickey Brett apparently was poised to write a tell-all on Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and other Hollywood royalty.

Sandra Bullock, Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Sylvester Stallone and Richard Gere—great day in the mornin'! Would no star be spared?

When Brangelina attorney-slash-pit bull Marty Singer padded into the fray, he claimed that Brett had signed a nondisclosure agreement, and we haven't heard word one from Brett since. NDAs are powerful magic, but they do have weaknesses...

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FlynetPictures.com

Is it easier for celebrities to get approved for adoption?
—Queen of Shoes, via Twitter

If you're assuming the answer is yes, you're not alone. (In fact, you just may be cynical enough to be a tiny me. Hi, tiny me!)

Human-rights groups in Malawi—Madonna's adoption country of choice—are also saying that Madonna is getting fast-tracked in her efforts to adopt a 4-year-old girl to keep little David Banda company.

Madge is denying any star treatment, of course. And Angelina Jolie, who has adopted three foreign-born moppets, also has said she got no special handling in those cases. But some facts seem to contradict that...

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WENN

Why do famous kids seem to only play with other famous kids? How do celebrity playdates work?
—Shadi, Culver City, Calif.

First let's make sure we're looking at an authentic messiah-on-messiah playdate. Suri Cruise playing with the Beckham boys? Real. Suri playing with Shiloh Jolie-Pitt? Not real. Beckhams playing with Kingston Rossdale, son of Gwen Stefani? Real. And we even have photos proving the truly true, absolute realness of this planet-shaking apotheosis—see?

So how do such summits go down? The publicist for the Cruises—who happens to also rep the Beckhams—wouldn't tell me. But I found a real live Hollywood nanny to dish all the details...

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ABC/ADAM LARKEY

Has anyone's Oscar been stolen on Oscar night? Or lost?
—Miss Keli, via Twitter

Probably. But more often they go missing years later.

Angelina Jolie recently told the press she has no idea where her Girl, Interrupted Oscar is. She handed it off to her mother, Marcheline Betrand, who carefully hid it away because of its obvious significance to the history of mankind.

But Bertrand has since passed away, and Jolie was recently quoted as saying, "I didn't actually lose it, but nobody knows where it is at the moment."

Matt Damon also may not know where his Oscar is for Good Will Hunting. Seriously...

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