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Why are reality shows so scripted around nonevents? Do we really need to see Jon and Kate's kids' birthday party? Is that interesting?
—Crie, Hoboken, NJ

To the millions of mommy-fetishists who watch that show, of course it is. Jon and Kate Gosselin viewers identify with the eight kids, sympathize with them. Plenty of fans even think they're somehow friends of the Gosselin clan—swooping onto the Intertubes on pixelated steeds, poised to defend every Gosselin, big or small, just in case, you know, Kate might be watching and want to invite them over.

What's far more interesting is exactly how those birthday scenes—every reality show shot, really—gets selected for filming by crafty producers.

Whether it's a crazy naked pool scene on Top Model or a little person visiting a trainer, each shot is far more calculated than even die-hard viewers may think...

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Eric Liebowitz/The CW

Nigel Barker on America's Next Top Model! So smokin' hot! Quiet, sexy and talented. Gay or straight?
—Holly

He's straight, married, with a kid and another on the way. The fashion photographer is also—as Tyra always reminds us—noted.

When a female celebrity marries well beneath her financial status, who purchases the multicarat diamond engagement ring?
—Gail, from Austin

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Fame Pictures, Inc

I always see pictures of celebrity children in magazines, and they always seem to be happy. I mean, do these kids just not cry, or do magazines not print bad pictures of the child?
—Becca

Just for you, a photo of Maddox Jolie-Pitt, who pretty much looks like this in every pap shot. Onward, to more of your Burning Q's!

I hear they told Megan Fox to put on 10 pounds for Transformers 2. Can an actress really be toooo skinny?
—Dale, Waukegan, Ill.

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Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage.com

When a celebrity couple sells pictures of their new baby to a magazine, are they more likely to donate the money to charity or pocket it for themselves?
—Charlotte, Miss.

Jolie notwithstanding, most celebrities pocket the cash, as I'm told by sources on both ends of those deals. Sorry if I've sent you reeling with this exposé on celebrity greed. Let me floss your brain clean of all this by moving on to more of your Burning Q's.

Why is there a sudden craze among celebrity women with wigs? Doesn't anyone have nice natural hair anymore?
—Candace

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Jim DeYonker /The CW

Hey, awesome Answer B!tch! I am an avid watcher of America's Next Top Model, and I was wondering how many past winners actually have modeling careers. Is anyone really a top model, or even a working model, once the prize fulfillment with CoverGirl is over? I read many fashion mags and have yet to see anyone.
—Kristi, Rockford, Illinois

First off, congrats to you, Seleisha. No one rocks a Three Stooges bowl cut like you do, girl, and all while making fun of someone with mild autism. Now that's multitasking.

If I ever need a model to sell my citrus-scented lip gloss while simultaneously thinking up ways to make the mentally disabled feel even worse about themselves, you and Bianca will be the first models I'll call. Make sure to wait by the phone. This could happen any second now.

Kristi, your question is a good one, and I've got an even better answer—and from a high-fashion modeling insider.

"The fashion industry doesn't take the show seriously," says my source, who worked in the modeling field for years. "Clients are finicky about choosing their own faces. People like to select their own girls, and to be handed a girl that someone else has deemed fabulous—that equation doesn't really work out."

Right. Prada can find its own pliant, insectoid girls with no vowels in their last names, thanks very much. Besides, Tyra's girls are only pliant, not pliant and insectoid, like Daria Werbowy or Lily Donaldson.

Besides, my source says, do you have any idea how terribly small the high-fashion modeling scene really is? There's just no room for another girl, not even a really skinny girl with a following on the CW.

"The group of high-fashion girls who do the Vogues, the W spreads, the editorial spreads, the superluxury campaigns and runway is a really tiny group," my source says. "Maybe—maybe—100 girls around the world."

And remember: Some of those girls are picked for dozens of gigs every season, while others get no work at all.

To be fair, the Top Model winners have scored some decent gigs. Jaslene Gonzalez became the face of a brand called Lot 29 back in September. CariDee English landed a national campaign with JC Penney. I've even seen runner-up Mercedes Scelba-Shorte walking the runway during L.A. Fashion Week.

But again, many designers don't want anything to overshadow their brand or the looks they've worked hard to create. If a Chanel or a Louis Vuitton were to cast Jaslene for a campaign, what would be the first thought in your head: Gee, what a nice pair of turquoise python leggings! or Hey, that's Jaslene from Top Model! And she's wearing something!

See? Unless a fledgling designer really needs that boost from a semicelebrity, a Top Model winner could actually hinder an expensive campaign.

Unless that campaign is for anti-autism lip gloss. Then I know exactly whom to call.