I really hope my friends bring better snacks to my Super Bowl party than they did last year. They're really great people but they lack the culinary sensibilites to understand that you don't put glue on lunch meat. Here are some of the dishes I'm praying they don't bring again this year.
Marci keeps saying she'll bring her "Green Thing." So I told her that Greg was already bringing one. I think I'll just burn a loofah sponge and set it out on the table.
No one should touch lunch meat to the point where it becomes a scuplture. And Boris kept going, "This stadium took me two weeks to make!" So this lunch meat was sitting out for two weeks, Boris? Two weeks??
We invited Marci's brother last year, which was a big mistake. He creates snacks using "only the Earth." He also brings a guitar and an hour's worth of stories from the one year he lived in Sedona.
I saw Carla bring this in, and she denied it was hers the entire party.
I asked Joe what this was and he said, "I thought we were having burgers." So once again, I asked Joe what this was.
Peanut Brittle?? F*ck you, Carey.
Beth kept saying, "See? They're little footballs!" She also thought my boyfriend's penis was an arm rest. Beth's not coming back this year.