It seems like just yesterday we were watching Hanna Montana. Then suddenly Hanna unzipped like some sort of disturbingly realistic human costume and Miley Cyrus emerged in a creepy drunk teddy bear leotard, twerking her ass bones at any camera she could see in a manner that can only be described as a sexually threatening overture. Just thinking about it fills my heart with memories the way hot chocolate fills a mug in the middle of winter. An awful, cheap, disposable mug with a Zuul haircut and Justin Bieber's face.
Well, it's time to start building some new memories. Miley has officially grown up as she, and we (the entire world I mean) celebrate the arrive of her daughter Bubba Sue.
Being a parent is a magical experience. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's also tough at times. For instance when your kid sees footage of you riding a wrecking ball naked and you have to be like, "I'm 45 years old now and don't really know that person anymore but hey, at least I made enough money to make sure you had an over-sized hat for every NBA team while growing up because, well, priorities."
Ohhhh, look at her. She's got her mommy's...parts.
Good luck, Bubba Sue. Mommy loves you now but eventually you'll be living on a tour bus being cared for by an assistant. Then you will "accidently" be left at a venue and never picked up.Remember when Justin Bieber got a monkey? You seen it lately?
Awwww. I'm sorry. I shouldn't say that. She's so cute. I just can't stop visualizing Bubba Sue squealing her way out of Miley's vagina during a recording session.
Congratulations again, Miley. You earned this...Wait, what?...A pig? Bubba Sue is a pig Miley Cyrus bought? Ohhhh. Yeah. That makes so much more sense with her lifestyle.