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    Dinner Theater: Paula Deen's One-Woman Show

    Paula Deen GIF

    Lately, Paula Deen's had a hankering for more than her usual seven-cheese macaroni served in a bowl made of beef. Paula is hungry for a comeback. That's why she's decided to put together a one-woman show that you'll soon be able to go out and see...if you live in the southern states of Tennessee or Florida. When we heard that Paula Deen Live will have games and audience interaction, we couldn't wait to get the details on what's sure to give her the career boost she needs.

    ACT ONE

    -SHE PERFORMS A DRAMATIC MONOLOGUE FROM "A RAISIN IN THE SUN" (BUT LITERALLY ABOUT A RAISIN AND NOT AT ALL SYMBOLLIC)

    -THERE'S A FUN, INTERACTIVE DATING GAME (BETWEEN PAULA AND THREE DESSERTS)

    -MUSICAL NUMBER:  "MY FAVORITE N-WORD IS GNOCCI"

    -SHE CRIES, AND AT FIRST WE THINK IT'S RELATED TO RACISM, AND THEN LATER WE FIND OUT IT'S BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO EAT DINNER

    ACT TWO

    -COMEDIC MONOLOGUE CHOCK-FULL OF FOOD PUNS LIKE "HAM IT UP,"  AND "GOING BANANAS!"  WHEN A JOKE DOESN'T WORK, SHE REVERTS TO ASKING THE CROWD, "HOW MANY OF Y'ALL HAVE READ FIFTY SHADES OF GREY?"

    -SHE EATS HER SECOND TUB OF CAKE BATTER, TO MAKE A POINT…(POINT TBD)

    -ALL-CONFEDERATE CIVIL WAR REENACTMENT

    ACT THREE

    -SHE DIVIDES THE CROWD IN HALF. ONE SIDE YELLS, "HEYYYY-HO!" AND THE OTHER SIDE YELLS, "WHY DID YOU PUT ALL THE MINORITIES ON THIS SIDE?" (THIS GOES ON FOR ABOUT AN HOUR)


    -SHE USES MULTI-RACIAL PUPPETS TO RE-ENACT HER STORY (ABOUT THE TIME SHE GOT MEDIOCRE SERVICE AT THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY)

    -A SCENE WITH ENDS WITH PAULA REQUESTING EXTRA GRAVY.  A GIANT LOAF OF BREAD FALLS FROM THE CEILING, LIKE THE CHANDELIER IN "PHANTOM OF THE OPERA." THE AUDIENCE IS THEN PROMPTED TO CHANT "SOP IT UP!" AND PAULA KEEPS GOING, 'WHAT WAS THAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" THEN SHE LAUNCHES INTO A DRAMATIC MONOLOGUE ON HOW DIABETES HAS SERIOUSLY AFFECTED HER HEARING.

    -SHE FAKES A HEART ATTACK…OR DOES SHE???

    BLACKOUT

    Paula is still hiring crew members for this production. All MUST be experienced in stage lighting in bulk double-fudge cheesecake production.

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