For the first time in history there's a single item so toxic it's worthy of an entire garbage plate. For those who choose not to stomach Farrah Abraham's new video for "Blowin", I'll break down the general ingredients of what you're ultimately better off not seeing. Farrah Abraham's video opens on a small golden sandal, which we soon learn belongs to her beloved daughter. Farrah does her best at pretending to exude motherly love as she carries her daughter through an empty field with the practiced poise of a Greek heroine. Next thing you know, she's in a bar giving a shout out her support system as she takes a bunch of duckface selfies with actors clearly hired to play her friends. After that, it's time for her to hit the fake strip club! Farrah stands in front of a red curtain, muttering overly autotuned lyrics that at one point sound like she's saying, "Some other things. Some other things." The party continues as she rides around in black cars, pays visits to various drinking establishments, plugs her Twitter account, and lets us know she can't be bothered with "haters." Then, after multiple glasses of champagne, she finally gathers her daughter from where she's been hanging out in an open field with not a daycare teacher in sight. She also mentions the breeze a lot while airing out her armpits.You can almost smell the rancid Lady Speed Stick.
What a multi-faceted portrayal of one single woman. I think it's fair to say that at this point, we've seen her from every angle.