E!nd-Of-The-Week Garbage Plate

Just how many garbage plates does it take to kill a person? I'm slowly finding out. Here's this week's garbage plate...clogging your arteries and your soul with the most poisonous news of the week. 

Ground beef: Katie Holmes has decided to return to television. It just so happens that she left for awhile.

Macaroni salad: Aaron Carter wants Hillary Duff back, but the measures he's taking to get her back aren't too extreme.

Onions: Jake Gyllenhaal had dinner with a mystery blonde...and E! wants you to know that they never found who it was.

Home fries: Lauren Conrad bought a home in Laguna Beach...the same place she was born, went to high school, and taped a reality show.

Eggs: Ashton and Mila got engaged last weekend, and even though she tried to hide behind Ashton's hat, we still lurked closely enough to see the ring!

Hot Sauce (optional): This one's only for those of you who can stomach Katy Perry injecting a Yoda voice into an Australian weather report.

Have a gloriously excessive weekend. Add whatever you do, please keep it country cool.

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