Come on in, girl. Get comfortable. Slip off that weird fur coat I bought you from the flea market and come sit next to me on this rickety Ikea couch.
You want a massage, baby? Sure you do but FYI I've never learned how to properly give one so it's going to be five minutes of awkwardness most of which will be me trying to "accidently" touch your side boob.
No massage? Ok, sweetness. How about this? I'll pour you a coffee mug of wine I bought at a Dollar Store and we'll just sit here, chilling and listening to these hot sexy jams from rapper Supa Day until we're in the mood...or drunk...or both...or you go home.
In this first sexy jam, Supa is taking time out of his busy schedule of being alone in a bathrobe all day to pay his special lady a supa gross compliment.
You want to help Supa pick up all those ones he threw around his apartment, girl? Yeaaaaaaah, I bet you don't.
Speaking of not wanting to do things, did you know Supa has plans for you girl. I hope you like Russell Stover candy and sexy lyrics, baby.
Wow...um...old Supa really loves dropping the N-word doesn't he? Wow. I mean...wow.
Anyway, back to our sexy night, girl. By now I'm sure you're starting to feel what I'm feeling. Sick from this cheap-ass wine. I swear I just noticed a worm in the bottom of the wine box. I'm so sorry. This is like the worst Valentine's Day ever. Let's just wrap this up, baby. Take us out, Supa Day.
I just want to take a moment to apologize, girl. That wasn't a sexy jam. That wasn't even a jam. That was just Supa Day watching The Lion King and cutting his dog's hair to look like a lion.
Romance is dead.