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Attention, Please: Kris Jenner Wants To Be On Broadway

Kris Jenner usually gets a healthy amount of attention, but without her talk show, she's struggling to make it through even the simplest day-to-day activities, like lunches and anal bleaching. So she did her favorite thing in the world: She confessed something! That's right, Kris Jenner came clean and admitted she's been taking lessons so that she can sing and dance—on Broadway! Or actually, just so she can talk about it wanting to be on Broadway on TV.

If there are any big shot directors, interested on casting Kris in a musical, here are some of the ideas she has in mind:

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Kiss Me, Kris

Kris, a stunning, evenly tanned actress with a heart of gold, is set to play the lead role in a production of  "Taming of the Shrew."  But an unexpected argument with the leading man leaves her in tears...on opening night!  The entire chorus gathers around her and says, "We love you, Kris.  We love you so much better than him." One chorus member, rumored to be former Bachelor star, Ben Flajnik, gives her his number and says, "When things die down, give me call." In the end, the leading man tries to win Kris back...but she sets up a camera crew so she can reject him on national television.

Guys And Kris

A group of hot, A-list men are in town for the big drinking game...but as a pillar of her community, Kris finds their actions to be extremely immoral! She rallies her equally famous but slightly less attractive friends, an they attempt to stop the game...when out of the blue, the youngest, most handsome man in the group whisks her away on a fantasy vacation to Cuba! There, against her better judgment, she gives in to her sinful side...even getting so drunk that she climbs onto the bar and lifts her dress just far enough to reveal that she's wearing thigh highs. Everyone sees!

 A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Beverly Hills Surgical Center

Set in Rome, where one-shoulder dresses abound, all Kris wants is her freedom...but in order to do so, she must divulge her wildest fantasies, even if it means breaking down the fourth wall and seducing any man brave enough to sit in the aisle! At one point, Kris even removes her top hat and girlishly places it on one of their heads...then goes on to take a photo of them together to post on Instagram!

Kris and The Amazing, White Fur, Knee-Length Coat

The Narrator finds Kris's diary, and is so blown away by her story that she can't help but share it with the world. It's as if Kris has been reading the minds of women everywhere. The people of Egypt love Kris, and bring her jewelry, sushi, and moisturizing cleanser from New Zealand. But then, when she receives a stunning fur coat from an anonymous fan, her minions grow jealous, and turn on her. Out of their hatred, they set up a situationi that causes Kris to have a nip slip...in public! They admit to their overwhelming jealousy, and, graciously, Kris forgives them.

The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas

No changes, except geographical. The whorehouse will be located in Calabasas. 

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