"Girl, come a bit closer, look in my eyes. Searching is so wrong, I'm Mr. Right."
-Justin Bieber, Eenie Meenie
Those very lyrics coursed through Justin's limbs as he waited in his six-car garage, clutching his giant stuffed monkey in a Lakers t-shirt for comfort, waiting for police to complete their detailed search of his home. They were on the lookout for concrete evidence that Justin did, in fact, egg his neighbor, but what they found inside was worse. Much worse. And we're not even referring to the bag of drugs that Justin's sidekick, Lil Za, left out in plain view on the pinball machine. No, we're talking about items so horrific that the officers left terrified, begging to never return.
Here's what they found:
–An empty can of Axe body spray, and poop
–Corey Feldman skeleton (which turned out later to be actual Corey Feldman)
–A small printer producing what can only be described as counterfeit Subway stamps
–One crunchy tube sock
–One crunchy dress sock (Grammy's night)
–Jar full of Criss Angel ticket stubs
–A walk-in closet of frozen shrimp with a post-it note on it reading "FOR JUMBALAYA"
–Open computer with his Klout score
–A room full of crumpled sleeping bags. Somewhere from underneath, an offputting vibration noise.
The investigation is ongoing, as officers followed a giant green sign in the basement pointing them toward "Pizza Street."