One thing you can always expect from The Bachelor is a season-long salute to exotic locations. Bachelors and Bachelorettes alike have led lucky contestants all the way from the Caribbean to the Adriatic Sea…and this year, they even traveled to glamorous Salt Lake City!
We have no intention of spoiling what, according to Chris Harrison, will surely be "the most dramatic season in Bachelor history," but we couldn't help but divulge some of the exciting places Juan Pablo and his suitresses will soon visit.
What's there? Ruled by Kim Jong Un, North Korea is known for its rolling hills and empty grocery stores.
What they have planned: One lucky woman will emergency land a helicopter right onto the luscious border of North and South Korea...only to find herself on a romantic, one-on-one dinner with Dennis Rodman!
What's there? Located in the beautiful center of Mexico's drug war, Juarez is filled with people who wish they had a reason to move to El Paso.
What they have planned: Fifteen women will go, and twelve will return. Two will be sent home in the rose ceremony. One will be abducted. Juan has already stated, "This will be a big test of their commitment."
What's there? Aside from their always tempting Winter Bed & Bath Savings Event, Wal-Mart provides a comfortable atmopshere for women to let loose and show off their tramp stamps.
What they have planned: Juan will take the woman of his choice on an intimate picnic under a Jet Ski cover, with Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors" softly playing in the speakers above. Afterward, they'll visit the scenic pharmacy and end the evening dressing up in cadmium-poisoned Miley Cyrus jewelry.
What's there? With only ten remaining residents, Centralia was home to an exposed coal seam that started a fire that still burns underneath the entire town.
What they have planned: Due to a pending law suit, we can't say much. But expect it to be peppered with catchy phrases like "Do you want to heat things up?" and, "Seriously, I can't feel my face."
A Human Brain
What's there? A "Mall Masters" t-shirt and a hopeless feeling, like there's nothing in store for the future.
What they have planned: They're taken down a rose petal-strewn Medula Oblongata, until they realize they whole thing's been a hoax... it was Chris Harrison's brain all along.
It's ABC, you guys.