Based on what I've seen on Facebook and Twitter and in the news and everywhere else, last night's live performance of The Sound of Music on our parent station NBC was, as the French say, le sh*t show. It shall go down in history as a bizarre TV oddity that everyone agreed was terrible but that everyone also must have tuned in for because its ratings were bigger than the sweat stains under the director's arm pits probably were during the taping.
That said, it could have been much much worse. Here's how.
IT COULD HAVE BEEN CHRISTINA AGUILERA
Pretty much everyone who watched last night agreed that casting Carrie Underwood as Maria was...misguided. But it could have been worse. Big companies like NBC love synergy. Therefore what could be better than cross promoting The Sound of Music Live with The Voice by stunt casting Christina Aguilera?
Brilliant! I for one can't wait to see how many vocal runs she adds to 'My Favorite Things'.
BAD PRODUCT PLACEMENT
Sure, last night everyone declared this show a stinkfest but you know what they were also doing? Watching. That means NBC still won because ad sales were probably through the roof. Dollar dollar billz y'all. But it could have been worse. You know how they could have made more money? By shoehorning inappropriate product placement right into the broadcast.
Red Bull gives you wings (to escape your Nazi captors).
You know who did okay last night? The kids. You know what would have made them worse? If producers had decided the show needed more zombies. Enter, Zombie Von Trappe kid.
Actually this one might not be so bad.
Last but not least...
TIGER LOOSE ON SET
Watching Carrie Underwood stumble around that forest set while singing the show's title song was bad but it could have been worse if a tiger was also loose on the stage.
Why did they even have a tiger on set?! I don't know. Why did they do a live version of The Sound of Music starring Carrie Underwood. Life is full of questions. Bottom line is, it totally could have been worse.
Oh, Carrie please don't push me on this.