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    Headless Torso of Nick Jonas is New Front-Runner For 50 Shades Lead

    It's official: There's a new unofficial front-runner in entertainment journalism's ongoing mission to make sure every actor is briefly in contention for the role of Christian Grey. And that person is the Nick Jonas's torso. Not his head though, just his torso.

     

    TorsoMan

    Since the announcement of the 50 Shades film, hardcore news outlets such as Gawker, Buzzfeed, and our very own sister site E! Online have made speculating who would play who in the film a daily top priority. A priorty that went into overdrive when actor Charlie Hunnam recently dropped out of the roll presumably because it would guarantee him an Oscar and he felt he wasn't ready for that.

    "When Charlie dropped out a sense of panic set in around town," said a source from US Weekly. "We'd already pretty much name dropped every actor from Cuba Gooding Jr. to Brian Cranston as possibilities to play Christian Grey so it was like, who now? That's when we saw Nick Jonas's torso. From there, the blogs wrote themselves."

    If Nick's muscular torso ends up going the distance and nabbing the role that nearly every male actor in Hollywood seems too scared of greatness to take, it will be the body part's first taste of acting, having only previously appeared alongside Nick Jonas's head in various projects which arguably required no acting at all.

    "I mean, what can I say? I'm psyched," said Nick Jonas's torso mysteriously from no disernible sound-producing orifice. "Being briefly considered as a contender for a role in a major motion picture by entertainment reporters desperate to get material out is flattering. It's just a really exciting time. I can't stop flexing."

    At press time, Nick Jonas's head was unavailable for comment despite being attached right above Nick Jonas's torso.

    More on this story as it develops but honestly could that chest get any more developed? C'mon now, people.  

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