Before you work yourself into a frenzy making preparations for the Hobbit's birthday, take a moment to celebrate yourself with our weekly round-up of hand-picked links.
FROM THE SOUP TV
We tore it up for Pirate Day, but not with hook-hands. That's just a stereotype.
Good news, ladies! A lot of careers have nothing to do with being a ho.
We watched a young man dance like no one but the Oxygen network was watching.
Scott Disick's doing alright financially, just in case you were worried.
You'll drool even more over the unphotoshopped version of Kris Jenner's bikini pic, because it will give you mercury poisoning.
We developed a deeper understanding of Miley's highly advanced hieroglyphics.
Does The Poisonwood Bible have the same emotional gravity when you read it in outerspace?
FROM AROUND THE WEB
Attention all hamburgers, hot dogs, and amateur horror film directors. Your world is about to change for the better.
He's just a clown looking to do a little late night lurking. So let's cut the guy who refuses to reveal any personal information a little slack.
A woman had sex with her dogs while her husband filmed...or as they called it, Date Night.
Thelma and Louise are having a reunion. Let's hope they both show up.
This Justin Timberlake interview is like the movie Lost in Translation, if Scarlett Johanssen's character had a tinge of insanity: