In her only spare hour between licking crosses in front of a mirror and googling "Has anyone ever ripped a photo of George Bush Senior on stage?" Madonna conducted her own version of Reddit's open forum interview session, normally called "Ask Me Anything." But because Madonna likes to leave so much left to the imagination, she titled hers "Ask Madonna Almost Anything."
The interview went over well, complete with exchanges about penis bongs and whether she'd be someone's boo. But there were still some questions Madonna was disappointed that no one thought ask. Sure, we might be pandering, but we'll go right ahead and ask her those questions ourselves.
1. Has anyone ever told you that even when you're not speaking, your British accent comes out anyway because you're so classy?
2. Contrary to popular opinion, I think your wardrobe malfunctions look completely unplanned. Which totally accidental moment of head-to-toe nudity took you most by surprise??
3. I feel absolutely no strain or desperation while watching your most recent videos. Why does everything you do seem so effortless?? HELP!
4. But really, how do you feel about people expressing their sexuality? I mean, should they do it?? ALSO, please tell me how you juggle being the edgiest artist alive while single-handedly managing a sexual revolution.
5. I love seeing close-ups of your body parts on Instagram. Why is it that they don't look at all like raw chicken?
6. What are your hobbies, aside from giving to charity and turning down offers to pose in nothing but pearls?
7. It seems like yesterday you did that dance with the cone boobs. That's when it happened, right?
8. Okay Madonna. Is it hard to go down "there" on someone with your solid gold grill? And don't just give me a coy smile then sexily slither away on a white bearskin rug.
9. The Catholic church must be sooo mad at you. Mission accomplished, right?
10. I know MDNA was a play on the drug MDMA. Will you pleeeease roll with me so I can live-tweet it? (this is Rihanna btw)
And take your time, Madonna. We don't want you to feel like you're pushing.