We here at The Soup are concerned about maintaining public safety and awareness. So when a threat arises we want to make sure you know how serious a danger it poses and what actions need to be taken. This. Is. Threat Assessment.
"With so much drama in the L-B-C, it's kinda hard being Snoop D-O-double-G." Snoop Dog said that once. His words are as true today as when he first snoopity dooped them at us (I don't really know 'things'). The only difference is today the drama has spread beyond the LBC and effects not just Snoop but all of us.
Of course I'm talking about the fact that Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber made a single together. The song is called Twerk. Why? Because that's all Miley has going on and Justin is a hollow mannequin in an oversized snapback hat with spike covered Ray Bans. It's an unholy union to be sure but as far as threats to cultural stability go where do we stand?
We're setting this event at DEFCON 5, the least severe threat designation.
While this song is pre-tay shi-tay and clearly a DEFCON 1 on the obnoxiousness scale it poses no great cultural threat. Here's why:
WHO'S SONG IS THIS REALLY?
Sure, Miley and Justin's names appear on the artwork for the single but those aren't the biggest names on there...
Yep. This is actually a Lil Twist "joint". You know Lil Twist. He's like Justin Bieber's butler or something...Ok. I actually don't know what their relationship is I just know he lives with Biebs and is a rapper. Regardless, this is his song and without Miley jiggling her chicken cutlets to it and Bieber throwing "Blue Steele" from behind his Chanel ski mask the chances it would go anywhere are pretty slim. Thank god it's out though because...
IT MEANS THE TWEGINNING Of THE TWEND
How often have you heard the word "twerking" in the last few days? if you answered less than 200 you're lucky. The truth is this dance (while a delight to behold) has bounced its way into the mainstream and is on the lips of every mom and aging newcaster throughout the country. In other words this song is part of the wave of twerk saturation. It has arrived just in time to be annoying.
Twerk: Coming soon to a wedding reception near you right between the Chicken Dance and Gangnam Style.