So much crazy sh*t happened on the MTV Video Music Awards last night and I'm not even counting the part where the whole thing made me feel like a 90 year old. It was a spectacle! Like someone ate only glitter and leather pants for twenty four hours then drank a Four Loco and barfed all over Brooklyn (and no one noticed because it's Brooklyn and that's what it's like now).
Here now is a run down of everything that happened last night...but you know, from our perspective.
First, Lady Gaga gave us all the creep eyes.
Then she revealed she was actually dressed as a nun/milk carton.
Rihanna and her friend weren't impressed. Not even by FREE popcorn.
Miley Cyrus twerked on Beetlejuice's crotch.
Jared Leto came out dressed like a professional wrestler.
Drake mugged outside.
But then we discovered HE WASN'T OUTSIDE AT ALL. What the f*ck, Drake?! We trusted you.
The camera guy left room for Left Eye which was nice.
A$AP Rocky suddenly remembered who Jason Collins is and was an a$$hole about it.
Then Katy Perry jumped rope to finish off the show. You know, because fitness and what not.
All and all, the sun came up again this morning so I guess it all turned out ok. Let's do it again next year. What do you say, Rihanna?
Or not. You know. Either way.