China's final step to becoming the new dominant world power is complete: They have equipped all babies with indestructible watermelon armor.
To combat the heat, some parents have started fashioning watermelons into clothes for their toddlers. Not only does it cool them off, but it makes them into walking-talking ads for Anne Geddes (who, according to Wikipedia, is still making millions of dollars stuffing newborn babies into pea pods).
But we have some BAD NEWS, China. Americans have been dressing themselves in watermelons for years. And yeah—we've already figured out how to install cupholder in the melonkinis.
USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!