This week everyone falls into one of three categories: Those who saw the Breaking Bad premiere Sunday night, those who didn't and couldn't give a sh*t, and those who didn't but have the episode safely stowed on their DVR. If you fall into this last category, first of all congratulations on having a DVR. That's really cool for you. What isn't cool for you is the fact that you woke up the morning after the show aired in a world bent on destroying your enjoyment of the premiere. You woke up in a world littered with spoilers.
That being the case, I'm sure this week has been very stressful for you thus far. But fear not: Follow these easy tips and you're like 72% guaranteed to stay unspoiled. NO SPOILERS AHEAD.
1. Make sure everyone knows you haven't watched yet and there will be consequences for anyone who blows this for you.
2. If someone even looks at you like, "Man, can you believe what happened on the Breaking Bad premiere?!" Shut them down. Shut them right on down.
3. If you find yourself accidently involved in a possible spoiler conversation, politely let everyone know you haven't seen the episode, which leaves them with two choices. Wait until you're gone to discuss it or...
4. If it comes down to it you may need to cut off all human contact. But be warned: The spoiler-free zone can be a harsh and lonely place.
5. Lastly, stay away from the internet AT ALL COSTS. Wait, you're on the internet right now! Oh, you're screwed.
Really, there's only one sure fire way to avoid spoilers. Just watch it already.