Have you heard of Bubble Football? Neither had we, until today, and we're kicking ourselves for this grave oversight. The practice of playing soccer whilst ensconced in giant inflatable spheres is rapidly catching on in Europe and, if there's a God or any sort of benevolent force in the Universe, will catch on over here in the States some time soon. It is magnificent. It is the ultimate expression of gutsy athleticism and unbridled competitive force. It...is a glory to behold.
Sorry sports fans. No more concussions or traumatic brain injuries to look forward to but at least the hits will be even bigger. Beer commercials and Cialis ads every 30-45 seconds are, of course, a given. No need to re-invent the wheel after all and you can't have a sports broadcast on our side of the pond without the incessant advertising; it's the American Way.
Also, Chumba Wumba's Tubthumping will be played at the first face-off of every game. This point is especially non-negotiable.