You know what Taylor Swift loves even more than any and every man whose ever expressed more than a passing interest in her? Dancing. Like, really dancing; really going for it. It's a popular way for recently spurned or heartbroken souls to go out and blow off some steam, so it stands to reason that she'd be really good at it. And she is, in a way...
No need to feel envious, though. You too can master the alluring art of the Flail Dance. All you have to do is learn a few of the basics, then you can mix and match as you please, to woo, to impress, or just to let it all out. Here's our Beginner's Guide, to help get you in touch with your Inner Noodle.
Spanking the Donkey aka The Burro Bash:
Imagine the haunches of your preferred form of livestock as being directly in front of you, at shoulder height. Now smack dat ass!
Don't Go Sculpting Waterfalls:
Pretend that someone just asked you to do an impression of a transient element in motion. Improvisation is encouraged. Let it flow.
Chainsaw False Start:
Picture, in your mind's eye, a tree that needs felling. Now envision a machine for the job that has been running on fumes for over a week, despite your foreman having reminded you several times to get more gasoline. You are not a very good lumberjack but you are quickly becoming an awesome dancer.
Momma Said Knock You Out:
Briefly channel LL Cool J. Lip-licking is optional. Fighting giant, super-sentient sharks not recommended.
You've just been rear-ended in traffic and the other motorist has the gall to claim that it was your fault...but all in a sexy way.
The Spot Check:
A piece of whatever you were eating just fell. It is not on the floor. Where did it go?
A variation on Spanking the Donkey, with twice the donkey discipline.
Swerve To Avoid:
You are Dirty Harry or Bullitt or Gene Hackman from The French Connection and two cover-alled glassworkers are currently hauling an oversized pane of glass across the street, impeding your high speed pursuit of a dangerous and unpredictable perp. Evasive maneuvers = sex appeal. You're a damn good cop but you're reckless!
That should be enough to prime the pump. With this stable of Swift steps at your disposal, you'll be drawing unnecessary attention to yourself in no time!