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    Smells Like Tween Spirit

    If you're already the proud owner of Taylor Swift's two perfumes---Wonderstruck and Wonderstruck Enchanted---but still don't smell as much like her as you want to, hope in on the horizon. Ms. Swift has announced yet another fragrance, simply called Taylor.

    Taylor Swift Fragrance

    So what differentiates this perfume from the last ones? The secret is in the sauce, as they say. This new scent is nothing short of an alchemical triumph, utilizing several unique ingredients to achieve a transformative effect. We don't have an exhaustive list but here's what we think is in it, based on spectro anaylsis and having drunk several bottles of it.

    Taylor by Taylor Swift Fragrance

    -Whale Puke

    -Lychee

    -Tangerine

    -Bitter breakup tears

    -Saliva of Elizabeth Taylor

    -Sweat of Taylor Lautner

    -Sebum of Jonathan Taylor Thomas

    -Blood of 12th President, Zachary Taylor (retrieved from amber)

    -Lemon Juice

    -Mercury

    -Okra

    That's our best guess, anyways. We think we tasted elderberry too but that was after our fifth shot and by then, our brain was replacing all nouns with the word 'elderberry', so it's hard to say. In any case, it smells great, tastes even better, and doesn't leave you with a hangover the next elderberry. Congratulation Taylor. You've just manufactured another hit!

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