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    Stripped Of Dignity

    Amanda Bynes, Court Steven Hirsch/ Splash News

    With Amanda Bynes struggling to see light at the end of the tunnel; let alone anything from behind her Gandalf-with-bangs wig, what better moment for Playboy to step in and offer her a position?

    Rest assured, the magazine hasn't asked Amanda to pose nude, or even appear in the flesh. They've simply asked for her to co-host their radio show at a time when she's crawling across the eyeliner-smudged floor of her hyperdramatic existence.  So, where did Playboy learn this small and manipulative behavior??

    As it turns out, they inherited their crafty ways from their unsuspecting sister. That's right. They learned it from PLAYGIRL. Just look at all the emotional trainwrecks Playgirl's propositioned.

    Hawking, Stephen Hawking SXSW

    STEPHEN HAWKING

    Playgirl knew that Hawking cheated on his wife, and that the theoretical predictions haven't exactly been crawling out of the woodwork--so what better time to bring him onboard?

    Excited, Hawking blurted, "My safe word is 'String Theory'!" And, "My ex-wife? Like throwing a hot dog down a black hole! Ha. Ha. Ha."

    Hawking is set to start on July 10th, selling subscriptions over the phone.

    Dustin Diamond Todd Williamson/WireImage.com

    DUSTION DIAMOND

    When Playgirl approached Dustin in his dimly lit, dorito-infested dungeon, they knew he was a sure thing.  Plus his whole bra-on-the-head/"let's watch my sex tape!" act reeked of amateurish desperation. Dustin's counting down the minutes to his first day as a wardrobe rack.

    anakin

    BURNED ANAKIN SKYWALKER

    Okay, Playgirl, this has to be the lowest of the low. Way to get a Skywalker when he's down.

    No worries, Burned Anakin only landed the job because of his skills in Photoshop.

     

     

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