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    Threat Assessment: Swift Kick to the Bieber

    We're sailing into troubled waters here, folks. A battle appears to be fomenting between two of the world's most entitled tween icons and first blood was drawn last night at the Billboard Music Awards. It seems Taylor Swift was none too pleased that her rival for the hearts and minds of all pubescence, Justin Bieber, beat her out to win the Milestone Award. When asked point blank about the upset, Swift responded thusly:

    Taylor Swift reply 1
    Taylor Swift reply 2

    Could just be a professional rivalry. A little healthy competition never hurt anyone, right? Then again, this is Taylor Swift we're talking about. Her gears of angst must be grinding and belching smoke right about now, laboriously churning out her next inevitable hit about being slighted...yet again. And if you think it ain't personal, oh it is. It most definitely is.

    Taylor Swift Yechh

    We're only going to Defcon 5 with this one.

    Defcon 5

    The potential for a bitter and childish battle that consumes the public interest and distracts us from more relevant news—like, say, whether or not Beyoncé is pregnant—is very real and very troubling. Equally likely, though, is that these two will only succeed in cancelling out each others' monstrous appetites for validation, which gives us some measure of hope for the future. 

    Recommendation: Judicious restraint. We'll take the 'wait and see' approach with this one...and probably make some popcorn.

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