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    Top 5 Places to Poop

    When China isn't busy racking up interest on the debt the US owes them, they're posting internet videos. Today our two nations were forced to take a long look in the mirror and realize we're not so different. I mean, everybody poops! The Chinese poop just like us—sometimes, in subway elevators. 

     

    Top 5 Places

    That's right—this is a video circulating of a woman pooping in a Shenzhen subway elevator (we didn't embed it because we're classy). Notice the lovely open feeling all the windows gives it...like a non-sexual glass bottom boat.

    Anyway, the internet loves lists, even sh*tty ones, so we present: The 5 Best Places to Poop:

    Top 5 Places

    5. PARKING LOT

    I'm not sure if people go on long road trips in China, but in America sometimes you just have to go.  And sometimes, it's better to poop in a parking lot then to take your chances in a gas station bathroom.

     

    Top 5 Places

    4. SECLUDED SPOT ON THE SIDEWALK/OUTSIDE YOUR EX'S APARTMENT BUILDING.

    Ever swing by the Chinese version of Starbucks, grab a vente Americano (Do you have those?) and realize a couple blocks away how quickly coffee makes you want to poop? That's what happened here. What? This is Kim's apartment building? Wow, what a weird coincedence. No! Of course I didn't realize, I like to take walks in the area is all. Hey, is that a lady pooping in an elevator? **runs away**

    Top 5 Places

    3. CONVENIENCE STORE

    In the States sometimes the only thing you got is your pride and your honor. When someone dares you to do something, you Just Do It. (You guys know that slogan right? It's on all the shoes China makes for us)

    That's what apparently happened here - this lady took a bet, went into the convenience store, opened the donut cabinet and attempted to fill it with poop.

    Top 5 Places

    2. GROCERY STORE

    You ever try to find a restroom in a grocery store? Those places are labyrinths of lonely single parents, screaming children and confused elderly people trying to figure out why the pharmacist refuses to give them a flu shot in July.

     If you're lucky enough to find an empty aisle you might as well take full advantage.


    Everyone Poops everywhere

    1. THE MALL

     The American mall is a confluence of consumerism and faux opulence. Right at the heart of this beast is a foodborne pathogen's paradise, the food court. Sometimes it hits you the next day, sometimes it hits you that night and sometimes it gets you before you've even made it to The Gap. Now you're left with a choice, run into Lids and s**t in a hat or put those plastic mall plants to good use. This man took the noble route and pooped where no hats could be harmed.

    Everyone Poops everywhere
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