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    Threat Assessment: Home Alone No More

    Between assessing the varying threat levels of ricin and rice (I know, carbs will kill you), you don't have time to wonder about all the other terrifying dangers out there. So we're compiling them for you in a convenient list!

    This week it was reported that Macaulay Culkin and Pete Doherty have moved in together. That's right, it's The Odd Couple with two Oscars - the heroin-addiction-recovering child star is now roommates with the guy who taught Amy Winehouse how to party. You might be thinking, "That sounds like a bad idea!" OK square, consider yourself not invited to the housewarming (But keep your phone on in case they need someone sober to call 911!)

    Macaulay Pete Doherty

    So, how do these guys even know each other? Apparently they met on set while filming a movie about ketamine, the horse tranquilizer (and how awesome it is, presumably??) They met at the craft services table when their hands reached for the same red vine, and the rest is history! Now they can do nothing but sit around, talk about how they both dated wayyyy out of their league, how the rehab system is an ineffective waste of time, oh yeah, and do assloads of heroin.

    A source said:

    "Macaulay and Pete may seem an odd couple but they've got loads of interests and life experiences in common [like constantly doing drugs]. They bonded over their love of poetry and art [and drugs]. Macaulay can't get enough of listening to Pete waxing lyrical about his painting and music [and favorite drugs]. He's always been a fan of extreme characters like Pete [and a HUGE fan of drugs]. Look at the way he defends his childhood friend MICHAEL JACKSON [reason for doing drugs]. Pete also loves talking to Macaulay about acting, as he's been trying to launch a movie career [so he can buy more drugs!!!]."


    Where does this rank on the threat charts? Well, that depends on who you are. If you're either of these guys, or the people who love them, or the emergency responders in the area, or health care providers, or anyone who hates seeing someone spiral into the black hole of addiction, this is a Defcon 3. 


    Of course, if you're a drug kingpin... this is great news. 

    Recommendation: Keep these two far, far away from each other, far away from anything that can be snorted, injected, or enema'd, and more importantly: far away from indie film. Because that ketamine movie sounds terrible. 

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