Reese Witherspoon quickly went from America's Sweetheart to America's Sourpuss with her "Do you know my name?" rant to an Atlanta police officer (if you haven't read the transcript, it's here). "I'm a US citizen and I'm allowed to stand on American ground" ranks right up there with my all-time favorite Reese Witherspoon quotes. If this is what Reese is like as a brunette...I'm totally into it!
Reese is just the latest in a long line of celebrities-revealing-their-true-selves-during-arrests. Celebrities have been saying dumb things to cops since the beginning of time! So where do these pieces of Reese rank on the historical scale?
In 2012 Randy Travis was found naked and intoxicated in the road, and subsequently threatened to shoot and kill the officers working his DUI case. So, let's say he's not a happy drunk. Four tasers.
Mike Tyson was arrested for DUI in 2007 and told officers he uses cocaine "whenever he can get his hands on it" and admitted to packing cocaine into his Marlboro cigarettes. Bonus points for honesty! Two tasers.
During his DUI arrest in May 2011, Rick Springfield was more worried about his Maserati than his mouth. He reportedly yelled at the arresting officer, "If you tow my car I will [expletive] kill you and your family." Where was this conviction when you were trying to steal Jessie's girl?? Four tasers.
ZSA ZSA GABOR
Back in 1989, Zsa Zsa Gabor slapped a police officer across the face for pulling her over. It won her a Golden Globe that year. Three tasers.
In 2012, at the height of her vehicular crime spree, Amanda Bynes tweeted at President Obama to fire the police officer who wrote her a ticket.
On the charge of "misuse of everyone's time," we give Amanda one taser.
Charles Barkley was fully compliant with the law when he was was arrested for DUI. 'You want the truth?' When I told him I did he said, 'I was gonna drive around the corner and get a b**w job. He also had a generous offer for a police station employee. "I'll tattoo my name on your ass" if he helped "get him out of the DUI." According to the report, "He laughed and then quickly corrected himself and said, 'I'll tattoo your name on my ass' and then laughed again." Charles, you have the right to remain hilarious! One taser.
And finally, of course, the reigning king of disorderly DUI, the one they call the "maestro:" Mel Gibson. His 2006 arrest featured enough bigoted bon-mots to turn into a 365-day desk calendar.
"I own Malibu… I am going to fuck you." —
"What do you think you're looking at, sugar tits?"
"Fucking Jews... The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world… Are you a Jew?"
The score to beat? 5 tasers and 1 muzzle.
So where does our little Reese Witherspoon fall on the charts? Sure, she acted like a privileged a-hole, but no one ever felt their safety threatened. Is it weird that I like this Reese better? Two tasers.