Patricia Krentcil a.k.a. Tan Mom has apparently made overtures to Vivid Entertainment to produce a sex tape. Yep. We're sorry. We're just the messengers here so please remember that it was your brain that formed that mental image, not us. We just thought you should be aware of this emergent threat to all that is good and right in the world. This picture, however, you can blame on us.
From unverified/imaginary sources, we've gotten wind of a few working title possibilities for the adult film in question. They are as follows:
Leather On Leather
Kiss the Cooked
Naughty In Naugahyde
Raw Hide & Seek
Well Done Woman
We were all set to classify this as a Defcon 3 but, mercifully, Vivid Entertainment President, Steve Hirsch has already taken the appropriate measures to put the kaibosh on this masturbation cure, saying, "Unfortunately we don't have a granny porn section on Vivid.com, but we feel your look would be perfect for radio. You could talk about everything you've ever done on a tanning bed."
Ouch. Who would've thought that the kingpin of a porn empire could be so blunt and cynical? Lack of tact aside, thank you Steve for heading this one off at the pass. Our collective libidos thank you, sir.