Splash is a show where once-prominent celebrities risk their lives in hopes that you'll look them up on Wikipedia. Basically, it's a step above volunteering to sit in a dunk tank full of tears. That said, in the midst of this seemingly hopeless state of affairs, there still remains one shining voice of reason. Unlike the show's viewer(s), the pool can sense desperation from meters away, and does not hold back from asserting its extremely particular tastes.
Louie Anderson: The pool HATED this dive. It also despises Sarah McLachlan and Bridge To Terabithia.
Nicole Eggert: The pool doesn't trust anyone it's never not seen in a swimsuit.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: Let's just say what everyone's thinking. The pool clearly has a thing against men who make guest appearances on Scrubs.