Millions rejoiced this week as the white smoke poured out, signaling that Justin Bieber was stoned once again. And now, as we conclude our Web Week square on the Ides of March (a.k.a. THE MOST STAR-STUDDED EVENT OF THE YEAR), let's party the way celebrity dictator Julius Caesar would if only he had a second chance. That is, by heeding the advice of his ever-blogging prophets, and ponder the dollar value of Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts far from the hub-bub of Rome.
FROM THE SOUP TV
Need 52 steamy ways to please your congregation? Cardinals, look no further!
Gordon Ramsay's brand new shaming tactics attack you and an uninvolved third party the right way!
Don't mess with Grumpy Cat when she's in Texas, unless you're regarded by your contemporaries as The Master of Bluefin Sashimi.
We caught wind of a musician who's about to strike it rich-- if the Czech Republic needs a new GM at their Bebe.
RuPaul's contestants had to earn their whiplash, just the way Williow Smith would have wanted it.
Of course the Hoarders clip we couldn't find was right under the dead cat, where we put it.
Taylor Swift might break up with us over this! Now she's yours, no backsies.
Lady Gaga has emerged from the hospital! Don't trip on her intravenous Ritz-Paris Sidecar Cocktail cord.
We salvaged these poor combinations of letters from The Land Of Broken Tweets.
FROM AROUND THE WEB
So, we guess according born-again Bachelor Sean Lowe, dancing doesn't count as sex?!!
The runner-up Pope should have really launched a kickstarter. It worked for Veronica Mars!
Dennis Rodman really blended in with the psychadellic cartoon garden at the Vatican.