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Get Your Groupon And On And On

This Valentine's Day, you can rely on Groupon to make your partner feel just the way she should- the object of forced sentiment and crass consumerism! Savor your night by repeatedly reminding your flame that you had enough foresight to click on an email link. For the rest of her life, she'll never forget how when she reluctantly offered to chip in fifteen dollars, you scratched your head in the sensual glow of your calculator and whispered, in a cascade of candlelit dandruff, "Just the tip."

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