But so much for national news, you're here for the best of this week's Soup, and that's damn well what you're going to get.
One down, four to go. Make way for hilarity, folks!
2. The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Class act Joe Gorga knows what his wife Melissa's panties smell like, and he's going to show you (and his children) how.
3. Dancing With the Stars: Just when Nancy Grace was raising her courtroom credibility even higher by appearing on DWTS, she had to go and wear that low-cut dress. Couldn't she have cha-cha'd in a judge's robe?
4. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: A real housewife doesn't have to confine her neurotic breakdowns to swank Beverly Hills. Watch simpering Taylor Armstrong prove it as she falls apart in the Colorado Rockies. Good times.