If you're like us, you spent the week looking at those candid shots of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez in swim suits on the beach saying to yourself, that Beiber kid really has a great body. So now let's catch up on the week in Soup.
1. Lady Gaga: Her Gaganess got all dressed up in her crowd-pleasing circus-witch wardrobe and shuffled her schtick over to The View this week, only to have loose-lipped Joy Behar drop some intimate poop on a secret shared between their respective vajayjays.
One down. Keep going for more yucks.
2. The Celebrity Apprentice: Former Partridge Family member (that was a sitcom, kids, not a cult of satanic bird killers) David Cassidy doesn't like Richard Hatch. Who can blame him? Anyhow, why not let Dave express his feelings for you? Did someone request "I Think I Hate You?"
3. Dancing With The Stars: Hines and Kym may have foxtrotted away with the big gaudy trophy suitable for a pimp's mantle piece (do pimps have fireplaces?), but we all still love Chelsea Kane. Let's look back on the magic of her sorrow as the whole thing winds down.
4. The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Now that the real housewives are one wife realer with the addition of Melissa Gorga, things are even more, uh, well, housewifey. Meaning, all the backstabbing and implied violence you can eat! And with foxy Mel comes her hubby Joe, who looks like someone who'd sneeze on your pizza when he pulls it out of the oven. Anyway, he's mad at something. Check it out.
5. Oprah Winfrey: As Oprah continues to honor herself as she leaves show business forever to run a small orphanage in third world hellhole Cap Ferrat (that's what she's doing, right?), we get yet another glimpse of what the people think of the great lady with the painin' vajayjay.