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It's been another unbridled week of Soup, and we're up to our glassy eyes in clips so good you'll slap your knees until they're the consistency of meat loaf. Now, here are the best of the batch.

1. 90210: When you're a nubile young lass and you want advice about losing your virginity, who do you go to? Mommy, of course, especially when she's got more condoms in her purse than valiums. Hey, it goes with the zip code.

One down, four to go. Keep clicking!

2. Brandy: To instruct a neophyte dancer such as Brandy in all things terpsichorean, it takes a special degree of sensitivity, nuance and understanding that can only come with an experienced coach such as Maks. And a few deft slaps on the ass don't hurt, either.

3. Dancing With the Stars: America's empathy knew no bounds when footwork-impaired Michael Bolton was summarily humiliated by Bruno and booted off the show. Now the Bolt is back, proving that the soul and rhythm he lacked in boogying he makes up for in crooning. Then again…

4. One Tree Hill: If there's terrible dialogue on a TV show with a tree in the title and no one's watching, does it make a sound? Does that even make sense? You be the judge.

5. The View: Most veteran television talk show hosts maintain a high level of professionalism that involves fact checking, research and awareness of delicate subjects such as a star's sexuality. Luckily, the ladies of The View throw all that out the window.