• News/ 

    Keeping Up with the Kardashians Recap: Running Kommentary

    • Share
      0
    • Tweet
      0
    • Share
      0
    • <> Embed

    Normally we here at E! Online provide you with a quick and easy recap to get you caught up on what you missed on the last episode of your favorite (or at least most DVR'd) show. But if you want a little more, here's a more detailed account of the season eight premiere of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.


    In this case, "detailed" means "including every random thought I had while watching." Enjoy. For the full effect, watch the show and follow along!


    00:21
     Not to be a pizza snob, but the family should really spring for some better stuff. Crispy Crust, people. Learn it and love it.
     

    KUWTK 801
    KUWTK 801


    00:25
     Nothing against Leah, but Brody and Brandon should really start a new folk band. They can just call it The Handsome.


    00:36
     First Kardashian joke of the season from Scott Disick! Wasting no time. Good to have you back, m'lord.


    00:57
     Sometimes Bruce Jenner reminds me that dads should not be on television with their kids. Way too much embarrassment potential. But since Bruce isn't my dad and he's not talking about how bad my farts smell, I am 100% delighted by him.


    1:53
     Matt Lauer, gettin' frisky!
     

    Kards Screencaps


    2:50
     The Jenner house's front lawn makes me want to roll down that grassy hill. But I'd probably get arrested.


    4:36
     GHC—Gratuitous Hummus Close-Up

    Kards Screencaps


    5:06
     "I will never be Backdoor Betty"—Kourtney Kardashian


    I consistently love the Kardashian sisters' alliteration. But in my heart, nothing will beat "Slob Kabob" from last season of K and K Take. I still use that one.


    6:30 And now, I have seen a man blow out a candle with a remote-controlled helicopter. Life=complete.


    6:44 A moment of silence for the two tiny pilots in those toy helicopters. They are survived by their miniature families.


    9:36 I will never eat a chocolate donut again.


    9:56 "This is your butt, of course." This is all like some kind of twisted episode of Bill Nye the Science Guy.
     

    Kards Screencaps


    11:58
     Bruce, if you need some space I will gladly trade you my 1-bedroom apartment for your corner of the garage. Again, I think I'd probably be arrested.


    Random Observation: Los Angeles looks much nicer on television in HD than it does in real life.


    14:53 Scott Disick, the poet.

     

    17:17 Can we stop for a minute and appreciate this moment? Scott's face. The stuttering. The melodramatic tinge to the way he says "Are you insane?!"

    Look at it. Just look at it.

    KUWTK 801


    18:39
     Did Kim just say that she and Kanye are going to have live plants growing on the walls on the inside of their house? They are going to have a Jumanji house. I want a Jumanji house.


    23:43 Portrait of a Man Cave:

    Kards Screencaps


    Bruce has like, tons of yellow Gatorade in his Man Cave. Was he not allowed to drink yellow Gatorade at home or something? He's stocking up like there's going to be a worldwide shortage of Yellow 5 dye.


    24:13 "I mean, this is probably just the most bizarre thing I've ever done"—Kourtney Kardashian, putting on a strap-on dildo to scare her husband out of anal sex. Normally I would say that's hyperbole, but she might be right.


    24:55 The jumping jacks really sealed the deal here. I would have made a GIF of that, but I'm afraid the FCC would shut me down out of principle.


    27:38 For a moment, we all got really excited that we were going to see Kim's cry face. But this was a nice moment anyway.


    29:59 "Bruce and I watch The Bachelor together." And now it is suddenly clear why Bruce wanted to be in a different house on Mondays.


    32:17 "You have a frisbee in your kitchen?"
     

    Kards Screencaps


    Kris, why are you worrying about the frisbee? Your husband is clearly dealing with a serious yellow Gatorade addiction.


    33:05
     Speaking of serious addictions, these:

    Kards Screencaps


    ...are Birthday Cake Oreos. They are the single most delicious thing to have ever been made by man or nature. Do not eat one of these unless you are prepared to eat an entire sleeve. Seriously.


    35:05
     It's a girl! Are there even any female K names left in this family for her? They're going to have to get creative.


    37:56 Oh no. No no no:
     

    Kards Screencaps


    You guys, they make "YOLO" signs to hang in babies' nurseries. I'm not sure I even want to "LO" anymore.


    38:58 Kim plays Kanye's music for the baby, which is kind of adorable but also has me wondering which songs she's playing. Or maybe Kanye recorded his own version of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star," which oh god please I hope is the case.


    That's all for this week! Be sure to tune in next Sunday at 9/8c for another all-new episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.


    [Note: all times listed are minus commercial breaks, because ain't nobody got time for that]

    • Share
    • Tweet
    • Share
    • <> Embed


    PHOTOS: See Kylie and Kendall's latest Instagram pics!

    YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
    FROM AROUND THE WEB
    MORE ON EONLINE

    RELATED VIDEOS:

    Kardashians_S11_ShowPackage
    Kim Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian
    more
    Kardashians_S11_ShowPackage
    • S
    • M
    • T
    • W
    • T
    • F
    • S
      • 12:30 AM

        Fear of the Unknown 1109

        Knowing her family's history with cancer, Kris wants the girls to take a genetic test to know...

      • 1:30 AM

        Miscommunication 1110

        Kris decides the family needs "Communication Therapy" when she and the girls continue bicker but...

      • 2:30 AM

        The Great Kris 1111

        Kim spearheads the planning for a grand 60th birthday party for Kris but fears she may have...

      • 3:30 AM

        Keeping Up: Kardashians on Vacation...

        Travel around the world with Kim and the gang, as we recap the defining moments from each of the...

      • 8:00 AM

        Return From Paradise 1107

        With only a few days left in paradise Kendall and Kylie try to sort out their differences, while...

      • 9:00 AM

        The Big Launch 1108

        When Kourtney isn't ready for a big product launch in NYC, her sisters let her know it's time to...

      • 10:00 AM

        Fear of the Unknown 1109

        Knowing her family's history with cancer, Kris wants the girls to take a genetic test to know...

      • 11:00 AM

        Miscommunication 1110

        Kris decides the family needs "Communication Therapy" when she and the girls continue bicker but...

      • 12:00 PM

        The Great Kris 1111

        Kim spearheads the planning for a grand 60th birthday party for Kris but fears she may have...

      • 3:00 PM

        Non-Bon Voyage 1106

        The family flies to St. Bart's to forget their troubles, but drama has a way of following them....

      • 4:00 PM

        Return From Paradise 1107

        With only a few days left in paradise Kendall and Kylie try to sort out their differences, while...

      • 5:00 PM

        The Big Launch 1108

        When Kourtney isn't ready for a big product launch in NYC, her sisters let her know it's time to...

      • 6:00 PM

        Fear of the Unknown 1109

        Knowing her family's history with cancer, Kris wants the girls to take a genetic test to know...

      • 7:00 PM

        Miscommunication 1110

        Kris decides the family needs "Communication Therapy" when she and the girls continue bicker but...

      • 8:00 PM

        The Great Kris 1111

        Kim spearheads the planning for a grand 60th birthday party for Kris but fears she may have...

      • 9:00 PM

        First Look

        Catch a first look of the new episode premiering Sunday, 2/14 @ 9pm!

      • 11:30 PM

        The Big Launch 1108

        When Kourtney isn't ready for a big product launch in NYC, her sisters let her know it's time to...

      • 7:00 AM

        SOME MOMS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN

        With Kourtney and Kim bonding over babies, Khloe feels left out and turns to Kris for a fun...

      • 8:00 AM

        HOME IS WHERE YOUR MOM IS

        Kim learns that her new house won¹t be ready in time for the baby and tries to figure out where...

      • 9:00 AM

        GREECE HIM UP

        While in Greece, Kris gets overly-friendly with Brody, who finally confronts her about...

      • 10:00 AM

        OPA!

        With only days left on the vacation, Scott finally shows up to Greece. Kendall feels like she's...

      • 11:00 AM

        LIFE'S A BEACH (HOUSE)

        Kris disagrees with Kendall's plan to escape their hectic house and find a beach house for the...

      • 12:00 PM

        KRIS'S MOTHER-IN-LAW

        Kris worries about a visit with Bruce's mom, Esther, because they've never had much of a...

      • 1:00 PM

        THE KARDASHIAN CHAINSAW MASSACRE

        Rob shocks everyone when he takes up chainsaw art in Khloe's backyard. Meanwhile, Kim plans to...

      • 2:00 PM

        BACKDOOR BRUISER

        Khloe tries to figure out what's causing her memory issues. Meanwhile, Kris is confused when...

      • 3:00 PM

        BABY SHOWER BLUES

        Kourtney and Khloe can't believe that Kim doesn't want a baby shower, so they plan one behind...

      • 4:00 PM

        MORE TO THE STORY

        Kim pushes Khloe to consider adoption, but Khloe has other things on her mind. Meanwhile, Kris...

      • 5:00 PM

        PAPARAZZI & PAPAS

        With her due date approaching and the paparazzi growing more out-of-control, the family wants...

      • 6:00 PM

        ALL SIGNS POINT TO NORTH

        Kim needs to deliver earlier than planned, Kris prepares the house for her new granddaughter's...

      • 8:00 PM

        Fear of the Unknown 1109

        Knowing her family's history with cancer, Kris wants the girls to take a genetic test to know...

      • 9:00 PM

        Miscommunication 1110

        Kris decides the family needs "Communication Therapy" when she and the girls continue bicker but...

      • 10:00 PM

        The Great Kris 1111

        Kim spearheads the planning for a grand 60th birthday party for Kris but fears she may have...

      • 2:00 PM

        2 BIRTHDAYS & A YARD SALE 906

        Kourtney attempts to organize a family yard sale. Kendall prepares for her 18th birthday and...

      • 3:00 PM

        THE COURAGE TO CHANGE 907

        Khloé must make a choice about her complicated relationship with Lamar. Meanwhile, Kourtney...

      • 4:00 PM

        COLOR ME LONELY 909

        Kris goes overboard trying to make sure Bruce isn't getting lonely now that they are separated....

      • 5:00 PM

        DOGGY BLU'S 910

        Khloé must reconsider her attitude when she sees her bad behavior rubbing off on her sweet...

      • 6:00 PM

        THE VIENNA INCIDENTS 911

        A trip to Vienna proves to be an eye opening experience for Kim and Kris as they encounter some...

      • 1:00 AM

        Fear of the Unknown 1109

        Knowing her family's history with cancer, Kris wants the girls to take a genetic test to know...

      • 2:00 AM

        Miscommunication 1110

        Kris decides the family needs "Communication Therapy" when she and the girls continue bicker but...

      • 3:00 AM

        The Great Kris 1111

        Kim spearheads the planning for a grand 60th birthday party for Kris but fears she may have...

      • 1:00 PM

        MOVE IT OR LOSE IT 913

        Khloé struggles with moving out of her house and things get complicated when some of Lamar's...

      • 2:00 PM

        A THAILAND VACATION PART 1 914

        The family vacation to Thailand gets off to a bumpy start when Kourtney, Scott, and Rob decide...

      • 3:00 PM

        A THAILAND VACATION PART 2 915

        The family vacation continues to go south when the family discovers that Kendall and Kylie have...

      • 4:00 PM

        A THAILAND VACATION PART 3 916

        When the family visits an orphanage in Thailand, Kim builds a connection with a young girl and...

      • 5:00 PM

        ROCKING THE CRADLE 919

        When Kourtney surprises Scott with unexpected news of a third child on the way, Scott shuts down...

      • 6:00 PM

        KIM'S JOURNEY TO THE ALTAR 920

        Kim and Kanye take their closest friends and family on an intimate, behind the scenes adventure...

      • 2:00 PM

        THE NEW NORMAL 1001

        As the family struggles to adapt to life after Bruce and Kris's divorce, a rumor that Bruce is...

      • 3:00 PM

        SOMEWHERE OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST 1002

        When Kris starts dating someone after twenty-five years with Bruce, no one is more critical than...

      • 4:00 PM

        The Carfather 1003

        When Scott has a flurry of suspicious activity and vague business dealings, the family decides...

      • 5:00 PM

        No Retreat 1004

        With Rob in crisis, the family intervenes, but when Rob refuses help, Kris is at her wit's end....

      • 6:00 PM

        On the Road 1005

        When Khloé closes the book on her relationship with French Montana, Malika gets caught in the...

      • 8:00 PM

        Miscommunication 1110

        Kris decides the family needs "Communication Therapy" when she and the girls continue bicker but...

      • 9:00 PM

        The Great Kris 1111

        Kim spearheads the planning for a grand 60th birthday party for Kris but fears she may have...

      • 3:30 AM

        Keeping Up: Kardashian Family Rules...

        What makes the Kardashians the Kardashians? Take a closer look at the funny, sexy and outrageous...

      • 10:30 PM

        Keeping Up: Kardashians on Vacation...

        Travel around the world with Kim and the gang, as we recap the defining moments from each of the...

      • 4:00 PM

        Fear of the Unknown 1109

        Knowing her family's history with cancer, Kris wants the girls to take a genetic test to know...

      • 5:00 PM

        Miscommunication 1110

        Kris decides the family needs "Communication Therapy" when she and the girls continue bicker but...

      • 6:00 PM

        The Great Kris 1111

        Kim spearheads the planning for a grand 60th birthday party for Kris but fears she may have...

    Kim Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian
    more