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AUG 29, 8PM
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Miley Cyrus

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It's a law of science that Miley Cyrus has one of the best bods on the planet. It's also a hard fact that she loves to show it off. And yet, take comfort, Joan Rangers: We've finally found a piece of clothing that makes the singer-actress look about as sexy as a zebra in heat.

We give you Miley, in a pair of high-waisted, striped stretch pants. If you're old enough to remember Madonna in her rubber-bracelet phase, then these pants may seem vaguely familiar to you. If not, consider yourself lucky.

As for what hellish incident made Miley hate herself enough to wear those pants, we found out: It was a "family gathering" in Palm Springs over the holidays with Liam Hemsworth and dad, Billy Ray Cyrus.

Now it all makes sense. If we had to spend Christmas with the guy who sang "Achy Breaky Heart," we'd hate ourselves after a few days too.