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AUG 29, 8PM
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Penelope Cruz

Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty Images

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We love ourselves a good piece of asymmetry. So why can't we accept the dress that Penélope Cruz is wearing to promote her new Campari calendar?

Yes, Campari itself is a problem, being all vinegary tasting when it's got such a deceptively juicy color. Every time we have a gulp, it's like Lucy taking away Charlie Brown's football. We keep expecting something wonderful right until we end up flat on our ass with a bitter taste in our mouths.

But there's also something just wrong about the dress, kind of like Halle Berry when she tried wearing that Helmut Lang last month. The dress was fine in theory, but on a body it suddenly loses its definition and becomes almost dowdy.

Would a belt have helped, maybe? A taller person? A shorter hemline? Or are we just being too picky because Campari is an evil and deceptive spirit that we clearly need to stop obsessing over?