RETURNS
AUG 29, 8PM
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Kristen Stewart

Paul A. Hebert/Jason Merritt/Getty Images

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Well done, Edward Cullen, for picking a virgin bride with such a lovely ass. We're not sure how you feel about this peek-a-boo Murad getup, being 111 years old and averse to sex like you are. Then again, your missus is covering her ankles. That must give you some comfort.

For the record, we approve of Kristen Stewart's Breaking Dawn – Part 2 premiere look, because, among other reasons, she isn't pairing it with her usual sneakers. Yes, yes, we know that K.Stew insists on wearing Keds and Converses with her red carpet dresses so that she can mingle with more fans. But given the evidence in this photo, that's bullhockey. She hobbled all the way over to those weeping, unworthy Twihards in sky-high Jimmy Choos and managed to cheat to the light at the same time.

We're onto your wife, Edward. And by the way...The whole world is looking at her buttocks.