We have no idea why so many fashion sites offer runway-to-reality style advice. Most runway looks are so alien that they need to be ripped off and burned the instant the last model lopes offstage. Haute fashion is not meant to be worn on real people—it's meant to be bought by wealthy Saudi mistresses who need stuff to put in their closets and never think about again.

The exception to this cruel law of nature is, of course, Heidi Klum, who wears giant sea anemones as skirts and makes all of West Hollywood weep with jealousy every Halloween.

Just how much can Klum pull off when it comes to wearing Versace, one of the most cray labels in the solar system? Almost anything, as she proved during her hosting duties at the 2012 MTV European Music Awards. Such as...

Christina Hendricks' cleavage is trying to kill her

A Fosse musical-inspired dress that had sex with Carrie Underwood's tour wardrobe.

A shirt with tapeworm appliqué.

A boob prison crafted from peacock skin and the weeping soul of Stevie Nicks.

Ke$ha's nightgown.

A getup that suggests a gladiator-style fight to the death during the finale of Cirque du Soleil.

Edible licorice-whip pumps.

And a mini made of rare helium flakes.

Now that's some serious talent.

See who else attended the MTV EMA's this year

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