BRAND NEW ON E!
Uhhh, yes, is this the police? We'd like to report a homicide, or maybe it's animal cruelty? Yes, the perp is Christina Aguilera and she cracked open Mickey Mouse's skull with her ta-tas. Yes, we said ta-tas. OK, we'll hold.
The ex-Mickey Mouse Club member flaunts her crime in Beverly Hills at the Samsung Galaxy Note II party—and we're not talking about her red-dipped tips, the leopard hat, or the bedazzled leggings she bought in a size "too tight." Though, those deserve separate and equal sentences as well.
Mickey, RIP, we'll always be loyal Mouseketeers!